Opinions are like...

You know, the staff at I FLIP YOU OFF dot com has been doing pretty good in the realm of ideas. They are WELL compensated for their creativity and basic work ethic. But as we fully engage this Information Age with every passing generation, it became apparent to the Flipster...

The more information you can provide, the more compensated you become. Just look at Drudgereport. Simply because Matt Drudge scoops many of his less-gifted counterparts on a regular basis, cost for advertising space on his home page has reached astronomical levels.

But how do you rate quality in information? Opinions are like assholes; everybody has at least one. And the vast majority of them stink!

One of the senior staffers here came to me and wanted to know if we would eventually kick off a program to reward our readers for new information pertaining to fresh jokes, pictures of celebrities flipping the bird, etc. This was a pilot program that I put a stop to about 6 months ago. We canned it because we got way too many duplicate items and frankly, a lot of this stuff was NOT funny. So, why in the heck would we pay for crap? Honestly, only about 15% of the stuff we see from the general public warrants publication. So, the question is, do we pay out the "wazoo" for the 15%? Or, do we not pay anyone? Is it even worth our time to wade through the hundreds of emails, snail-mails and board posts to find the 1 or 2 good items for publication?

I don't think so. Only the true I FLIP YOU OFF dot com user would even have a clue of what we are trying to do here. Everyone else is just a collection of spectators.

-The Flipster

Quick Opinion

Apple Computer's newest MP3 player, the iPod nano, is receiving rave reviews and analysts believe the device will solidify Apple's dominance in the competitive MP3 player market for at least another year.

However, not everyone praises the device -- Motorola CEO Ed Zander had some harsh words for the nano in a recent interview.
"Screw the nano," said Zander. "What the hell does the nano do? Who listens to 1,000 songs? People are going to want devices that do more than just play music, something that can be seen in many other countries with more advanced mobile phone networks and savvy users," he said.


I concur, Ed. I am now a fan for life.


-The Flipster

Summer is officially gone!

To commemorate all of the sick things that happened this summer on both the West and East Coasts, I am posting my favorite joke of all time.

Enjoy!

-The Flipster

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

Dad says, "We are master impersonators!" The agent says, "Impersonations are yesterday's news. I can't even book 'em in Branson!" Dad just says "And now, my son will impersonate a famous rapper!" Junior, about 16, rips off his 13-year-old sister's jeans and panties, and starts licking her pussy and fucking her. She comes screaming and her brother blows his load inside her. "R. Kelly!" says Dad. "Next, my wife will impersonate Courtney Love!" Mom shucks off her skirt, takes out a bottle of vodka which she chugs. Then she pisses on the agent's desk and says "Do I get a gig now?" Not to be outdone, daughter jumps up. "My rendition of rock and roll great, Janis Joplin!" She takes out a syringe and shoots up a shitload of heroin, then falls down and shits on the floor. Mom lies down on the couch, shits, pisses, and grunts like a pig. "Teri Schiavo!" she says. "And now," says Dad, "I will impersonate former INXS singer Michael Hutchence!" He strips naked, hangs himself from the light fixture and starts beating off. Mom, Sis and Bro all dance around him singing "My neck is so raw...you've got to cut me down!" He shoots his come onto the agent's desk. Wife and daughter, naked now, get down on all fours. Dad and Bro stand in front of them. Dad says "My wife and daughter will now impersonate Monica Lewinsky and First Lady Laura Bush!" Sis starts blowing her brother while Mom tries to get Dad's limp dick into her ass. Bro comes in Sis's mouth and Sis gives a big loud swallow. Mom says "God damn it, George, you can't get it up again?" Here, Miss Beasley!" Dad starts cornholing the dog, then pulls out and spews come and dog shit on his wife. "And now for our grand finale," says Dad, "My son and I will impersonate Kobe Bryant and Bill O'Reilly!" Dad pops a Viagra, grabs Sis, shoves her legs apart and crams his boner in her. He fucks her to orgasm while bouncing a basketball against the dog's bloody ass. Bro gets out his cellphone, calls Mom on hers and starts beating off while saying "I want to rub your dirty pussy with a loofah, bitch! I want to fuck you for Christ!" Mom gets out a vibrator and buzzes her clit until she comes. Bro walks over and shoots his load onto Mom's face. The agent's office is completely covered in shit, piss, come and vaginal juices.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

Current Events

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000. "This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild. "Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana."Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!" However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans. "This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit.""This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."The money gained from 'T'he Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.

People are Stupid.

Here are a few examples of how stupid most people are in this world. There is no discrimination here, you are all dumb!

This is an actual cellular phone text message "conversation" with an ex girlfriend of a friend of mine. Enjoy!

DumbBitch: I am going 2 a bukkake party as an observer do u know it is?
Dude: Yes
DumbBitch: What is it?
Dude: Go google it

4 minutes later...

DumbBitch: Oh my thank god i am just watchin
DumbBitch: Want me to come over when i am done

2 minutes of silence...

DumbBitch: Is your answer no? Its not like i am doing it just watching

2 more minutes of silence...

DumbBitch: So i can come over later

Another minute of silence...

DumbBitch: Call me when u get h0me freak

-------
Here's another quick one about a guy I know... Enjoy!

I was driving back to work from lunch and was taking it easy on the speed since the ice was a little spotty on the road I was traveling. As luck would have it, some douche bag was tailgating me - and after a good mile or so, he really started to piss me off. I noticed that the stretch of road ahead was a long straight-a-way for a good distance, and it had no trees - therefore it was completely dry and no ice. Well, to make this ass that was on my bumper a little less of a miserable individual, I kicked it up a notch and accelerated to the speed limit. Well guess what - that ass bag was still right on my tail - then it happened... the 4 or 5 inches of ice that was riding on top of my Explorer caught a little wind and WHOOOM - I completely smacked that jerk's windshield with a huge hunk of ice that measured a good 4 by 5 feet! Last time I looked in my mirror, he was spinning off the road. I politely rolled my window down and flipped him the bird as I drove away.... ahhh, I love winter.


*Sniff* That was beautiful, man!

Let's get to it!

Researchers from Boston Children's Hospital determined that the number of visits to hospital emergency rooms dropped significantly during important Red Sox baseball games. From New Scientist:

The researchers compared the number of visits to six emergency departments in the Boston area during 11 key baseball games in 2004 to the average number of visits on that day and at the same time in previous years, and plotted them against the number of TV viewers for those games. A game against the New York Yankees, where the Red Sox’s victory guaranteed them a place in the US World Series, was watched on TV by 55% of the public in the greater Boston area, and coincided with a dip of 15% in emergency room visits. But during another Yankees game, where it was taken for granted that the Sox would lose and only 30% of viewers tuned in, emergency room visits were almost 15% above average...

One explanation for the startling correlation is that while people are watching TV, they are sedentary and fairly safe. “People are at home watching the games so they are probably not getting into trouble,” explains (investigator John) Brownstein. Another is that people who attend ER are often not experiencing a medical emergency in the true sense of the word.

Are all Americans full of crap? Or just the "scientists" at Boston Children's Hospital?

On one hand we are safer while watching TV. And on the other hand, we are all going to die of heart attacks and strokes from being frigging fat slobs... Make up your minds, would you? And take your time figuring this stuff out. I'm in no rush. I got a half gallon of ice cream to eat while I touch myself during today's re-run of the OC...

The Inaugural Post

Based on everyone's feedback, the staff at I FLIP YOU OFF has created this blog. Check back often as up-to-date news, information and, yes, the silly stuff will be posted here!

*Flip!*