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2010-11-17T19:39:00.001-08:00

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Making Money

2010-03-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Hey! If you are looking for work or just want to start your own home based business, go to http://www.LightyearOpportunity.com.

It is a real business dealing with cell phones and other telecom services. They pay weekly and it is just getting started. It really works!

So go do it!

I think this guy may be gay...

2008-05-19T16:15:00.001-07:00

Shit-Filled Diaper Cushions Baby's Fall

2008-02-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

From the Associated Press:
A shit-filled diaper saved the life of a 20-month-old baby boy after he fell 20ft from a window and landed on his butt in Germany. The baby had climbed onto the windowsill while alone in a room and leant against a window whose catch was open. Because Mom had not changed his diaper, he was provided with a soft landing. The diaper, which burst on the impact, had acted like a car airbag. Fortunately, no one was close to the scene of the fall.

2008-01-28T14:33:00.000-08:00

The grim economic picture darkened further today with news that the price of ink for printer cartridges has reached an all time high of $1000 a barrel on the New York futures exchange. The world’s most traded commodity has seen a steady rise in price over recent months due to supply problems, increased demand from China and a failure of consumers to send their empty cartridges to the charity recycling centre and just leaving them in their desk drawer instead.

The computer industry urged the public not to panic and to only print out essential documents while they set about finding alternative ways for children to get colouring-in pictures that they print out from the Disney website. In some parts of the world, people are having to print out documents in blue or even green ink, continually having to pause to over-ride the irritating instruction from their bleeping printer to change the black ink cartridge.

A statement from Hewlett Packard conceded that much of the increased cost may have to be passed on to the consumer claiming, ‘It’s only right and fair that computer printing ink and peripherals suppliers sustain their profits in this area to fund further research…’ The rest of the statement was illegible as the print became too faint.

So dependent is the global economy on printer ink, that there are concerns that the United States may take military action against crude ink producers in the Middle East unless the situation improves. ‘You know what the invasion of Iraq was really about, don’t you?’ said Spike Harris of the Stop the War Coalition. ‘Printer ink, yeah! PresidINK Bush is in the pay of the big ink companies, and the whole lot of ‘em have got blood on their hands. And black ink obviously.’

HD-DVD gets publicly raped by Blu-Ray

2008-01-28T14:16:00.000-08:00

Price cuts by Toshiba on its HD DVD players in the U.S. earlier this month may prove to be "useless resistance" in the battle against the rival Blu-ray Disc optical disc format, according to Gartner.

The market research company expects Blu-ray Disc to win the battle against HD DVD (high definition digital video disc) in the consumer market by the end of 2008, becoming the next generation replacement for DVDs.

Toshiba's price cuts came after a major Hollywood studio, Warner Bros., announced it would shift from producing in both formats to just Blu-ray alone, expanding the disc format's advantage in the number of movies and other content. Five of the seven major Hollywood studios now back Blu-ray Disc exclusively, while the HD DVD camp has just two, Paramount and Universal.

"Gartner believes that Toshiba's price-cutting may prolong HD DVD's life a little, but the limited line-up of film titles will inflict fatal damage on the format. Gartner expects that, by the end of 2008, Blu-ray will be the winning format in the consumer market, and the war will be over, wrote analyst Hiroyuki Shimizu in Gartner's Semiconductor DQ Monday Report.

Toshiba announced price cuts on its HD DVD players in the U.S. Jan. 15, just weeks after losing Warner Bros. The company will cut the price of its HD-A3 player in half, to US$149.99 from $299.99, while its higher end models, the HD-A30 and HD-A35 are now listed for $199.99 and $299.99, respectively.

Toshiba pledged to keep up the fight against Blu-ray Disc during a press conference at the International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas earlier this month, despite numerous media reports and analyst comments pronouncing Blu-ray Disc the winner of the format battle. The Japanese company still has some powerful allies in HD DVD, including Microsoft, which sells an add-on HD DVD player for the Xbox 360.

Should HD DVD lose the format war, Microsoft will have to start using Blu-ray Disc on the Xbox 360 in order to allow users to play high definition video games. It's not an outcome the U.S. company would likely want to see. Blu-ray Disc was developed by Sony and is an integral part of the PlayStation 3 game console, a rival to the Xbox 360.

The addition of the high definition drives to the two game consoles has given game makers a new way to add content to their digital games, because both formats have far more storage capacity than traditional DVDs.

At the Taipei Game Show 2008 on Friday, Sony showed off a display of games created using Blu-ray optical discs. Over 100 game titles have already been published in Blu-ray Disc, said Sakura Wang, a marketing manager at Sony Computer Entertainment in Taiwan.

An Xbox 360 booth at the game show displayed the HD DVD logo and showed movies and games for the format, but a Microsoft spokesman could not be reached for comment on the total number of games already published in the format.

FoodNetwork's Jamie Oliver Abuses English Language

2008-01-15T09:33:00.000-08:00

An extended television special on poultry farming in Britain has exposed the shocking abuse meted out to the English language by television presenter Jamie Oliver.

‘It was horrible’ wept one unwitting witness who had been duped into thinking they were just taking part in an everyday expose about farm animals. We had to just sit there and witness the brutal murder of the language of Shakespeare and Milton’.

‘Alright darlin’’ chirped Jamie ‘What we is doin’ right, is showin’ yers that there ain’t no reason why dem birds should have what’s happenin’ like at the moment, not never, know what I mean Sweetheart?’

Well-dressed diners winced as they were forced to listen to a mockney accent mincing up words and systematically murdering traditional sentence construction. ‘I had no idea this still happened,’ said Jennifer Myers who was a member of the studio audience on the night. ‘These sentences are being deprived of their natural verb endings. Nouns are systematically deprived from definite and indefinite articles, grotesque double negatives are being artificially produced and infinitives are being split at birth.’

Channel 4 defended the shocking programme saying that it had warned viewers beforehand that they may find some sounds offensive. But it was necessary to show this abuse of English at first hand in the hope that the laws of grammar might be finally enforced. But Jamie Oliver was unrepentant; ‘Wha’ever Sweet Pea! We warned dem folks they might find it upsettin’ and that, we weren’t wrong darlin’. I say old bean, is that dashed microphone switched off now, what what?’

It's Spreading!!!!

2008-01-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

Will Smith Is Recruiting for Tom Cruise’s Cult

Either Will Smith is the worst present giver in the world or his has fallen into the ranks of Scientology. After being the film bitch for a celeb you typically get some kind of swag for putting up with their demands of nutty bars and tepid diet coke when the filming wraps. It is the circle of life in Hollywood. Will Smith gave the gift of having your brain washed.

After wrapping “Hancock” he gave out a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center.

They are already given away free of charge at the church. It is designed to find your flaws and offer up “help” to make you perfect. (Kinda like those quizzes Cosmo does to help make you multi-orgasmic.) The test is free, but the personality fix is yours for a fee. Obviously it has totally worked for Tom Cruise. Will continues to stay on the neutral path on his status with the cult, but told Access Hollywood:

“I was introduced to it by Tom, and I’m a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism.”

I must have been absent from Sunday School the day they covered the Galatic Confederacy, Xenu, the hydrogen bombs that killed everyone brought to Earth via spacecraft and the space opera. I am guessing Jesus teamed up with She-Ra, Godzilla, Buddah and Spiderman to send him back to the depths of space. Is that how it went?

Source: Will Smith boosting Scientology [NY Daily News] and Will Smith: Scientology Is Practically Buddhism [Mollygood]

Folks - This guy is making sense!

2008-01-08T11:03:00.001-08:00

Check out http://www.theflipboard.com
It is a real estate investment blog that seems to be kinda new. However, the posts are awesome! It is common sense wrapped in practical techniques everyone can use.

http://www.theflipboard.com/

Programmed for love

2008-01-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

By FRITZ LANHAM

Copyright 2008 Houston Chronicle

If you're younger than 35, you'll probably live long enough to put David Levy's prediction to the test. Levy says that by 2050 we'll be creating robots so lifelike, so imbued with human-seeming intelligence and emotions, as to be nearly indistinguishable from real people. And we'll have sex with these robots. Some of us will even marry them. And it will all be good.

Levy lays out his vision of a Brave New Carnal World in Love and Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships, which, despite its extended riffs on sex toys through the ages, is a snigger-free book. Levy's no Al Goldstein. Rather he's a 62-year-old British chess master turned artificial-intelligence expert persuaded that robot sex can brighten the lives of many, many unhappy people. "Great sex on tap for everyone, 24/7,'' he writes on the final page of the book. What's not to like?

"Chess'' and "sex'' aren't words that normally share the same sentence, but in Levy's case, the one led to the other. A keen chessman since boyhood, by the time he got to St. Andrews University he played at the international level. At the university he got interested in computers and the challenge of programming machines to play chess. Eventually he earned international recognition for his work on chess-playing computers and natural-language software, and in the mid '90s headed a team that won the Loebner Prize, widely regarded as the world championship of conversational software. Today he owns a firm that develops electronic hand-held brain games.

Designing computers that talk like humans naturally led to the larger question of how humans interact with robots, which are nothing more than computers with arms and legs and a head. The Japanese have taken the lead in developing "partner robots,'' machines that, for example, might do household tasks for elderly people. But if you could invent a robot that serves cocktails, could you not invent a robot that would make a superior bedmate?

It sounds like a mighty tall order. A machine with skin that feels like ours? With our physical dexterity? And, most important, with a mind like ours - imperfectly rational, sometimes emotionally intelligent, sometimes emotionally dumb?

"I think it's a reasonable assumption,'' Levy said in a telephone interview from his home in London. He lays out his case in a voice that's calm, rational, almost flat, more geeky than goatish.

"If one looks at the advances in technology in the last, say, 40 or 50 years, they've been immense, and the more we learn about the science and the technology, the quicker it will be to discover even more within that science."

Smart money never bets against technological advances, but it helps if you stack the deck. "The automaton simulates man when man has been defined in an automaton's way," literary critic Hugh Kenner wrote. Is that what Levy does?

"I take a pragmatic point of view," he said, "partly because in my original field, computer chess, that was how the problem was solved." Not by making machines that thought like chess masters but by making machines that beat chess masters. Similarly, Levy thinks, robots need only "simulate" human intelligence and emotions "to the point that they are absolutely convincing." If you can't tell whether the thing is man or machine, what difference does it make? You'll treat it as if it were alive. The rest is philosophical hairsplitting.

So who will avail themselves of 21st-century sexbots?

Sad cases, for one, people so physically unattractive or anti-social or isolated or emotionally crippled that they have trouble finding human romance. People who love their computers more than their fellows. Hey, they're out there already.

"They're lonely; they're miserable," Levy said. "I think society will be a much better place when they have an alternative that satisfies them without doing any harm to other people."

Add in those who have a satisfying sexual relationship but are simply curious and somewhere between 20 percent and 50 percent of the population will experience man-machine mating at least occasionally, Levy predicts.

He respects the fact that plenty of people, out of moral or religious conviction, will contemplate this with horror.

"But by and large," he said, "it will be very good for society, very beneficial, and I think that will be the majority view within a relatively short space of time."

Sexbots may put prostitutes out of business, he notes.

Near the end of the book Levy alludes to a set of vexing questions. If robots become utterly humanlike, must we not treat them as more than machines? So if you marry a robot, can it inherit your estate? If you catch it boffing the mail carrier, can you toss it out with heavy trash? If your robot pops your neighbor in the mouth, who does your neighbor sue?

Levy admits he doesn't know the answers.

"There are lot of questions here that need a great deal of discussion and consideration from people who are much wiser than I am in the field of ethics, philosophy and law. Clearly the law makers and the lawyers are going to have a field day debating these issues."

He expects the impetus for creating sexbots to come from the sex-toy industry rather than, say, MIT. Already a Japanese sex-doll manufacturer has announced plans to market a doll with electronics in it, and Levy has read that Japanese companies are working to produce sex robots for people living in outlying fishing villages.

"I think the Japanese are probably working on this more than one would realize from the little that's been published so far," he said.

Levy has been amazed at the publicity the Love and Sex With Robots has generated since its release last month. He's done a dozen radio interviews and a TV interview. Howard Stern raved about the book. So far, no hate mail.

Would Levy himself have sex with a robot? He doesn't have to ponder the question.

"If there was a robot of the sort I describe in the book, I would certainly want to experience using it for sex, and I wouldn't regard it as anything untoward," he said. "I would do it out of curiosity. Not that I have a need for a new sex partner. I'm happily married."

And the wife would be OK with this?

"Yes, yes, and if she wanted to try one I wouldn't have a problem with that. I would regard it as genuine scientific curiosity."

fritz.lanham@chron.com

Rudolph's Nose goes White in Cocaine Scandal

2007-12-26T12:55:00.001-08:00

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer has been forced to resign from his position as Santa’s chief sleigh puller following tabloid revelations that the celebrity deer’s nose had turned from red to white due to a long term cocaine addiction.

According to local sources, ‘On one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say something to Rudolph. He called on Rudolph with his nose so bright, so he could guide the sleigh that night. Sadly, Rudolph was nowhere to be found. He was locked in the bathroom, sniffing cocaine off of the toilet seat.’

This is the latest scandal to face the North Pole since Santa had to ban Polish elves working in the toy factory after complaints about them ‘taking jobs from Christmasland elves when they ‘can’t even speak Elvish anyway’.

Santa Claus has apparently fired Rudolph from his high-profile job as the main sleigh puller, and checked him into a Los Angeles Rehab Center. At an emotional press conference, Rudolph told celebrity journalists; ‘I deeply regret the pain and hurt I have brought to Mr. Claus and my fellow reindeer. I am determined to put my life back on track, although the doctors say my nose will never be as shiny red now that the septum has completely disintegrated due to my drug use.’

Rumours about Rudolph’s cocaine habit had been circulating in the North Pole and Christmasland for some time, since the elves dubbed him, with tongue in cheek, ‘Crackhead the White Nosed Reindeer’. However, Dasher and the other deer have been defending their former leader. “How do you think the sleigh would ever fly without that sweet snow?’

-The Flipster
www.IFlipYouOff.com - Send an E-bird today!

Stupid Canadians!

2007-12-17T14:30:00.000-08:00

Some poor Calgary man thought the $10 unlimited mobile browser plan he subscribed to meant he could tether his phone to his laptop and download movies. So he was rather shocked when he received a phone bill for $85,000 in the mail -- more than the price tag of one of Germany's finest sports sedans.

If you thought those $3,000 iPhone roaming bills were exorbitant, 22-year-old Piotr Staniaszek of Calgary, Canada, is much worse off. Apparently he recently renewed his phone contract with Canadian network operator Bell Mobility. Along with the new phone, he subscribed to a data plan. One which he thought was totally unlimited. Turns out that wasn't the case.

I don't know what Staniaszek does for a living, but the report I read said he was bored at work and thought to pass the time, he'd download some movies from the Internet and watch them on his PC. So he tethered the two and used his phone's wireless data capabilities to download high-definition movies. This was strictly forbidden in the fine print of his contract -- omething he obviously didn't read.

About 10 days ago, a $60,000 phone bill arrived at his parent's house. When Staniaszek called to complain, he was told that the total bill had risen to $85,000 because he was being charged by the kilobyte.

In an interview, Staniaszek said, "I told them I wasn't aware that I would be charged for hooking up my phone to the computer. I'm going to try and fight it because I didn't know about the extra charges. Nobody explained any of this to me."

Bell Mobility agreed to reduce the charges to $3,243 in a gesture of goodwill, but that's not enough for Staniaszek. He's vowed to fight the company until the bill is dropped entirely, even though he did download gigabytes worth of movies. Bell Mobility has said that Staniaszek should have known that using his phone as a modem fell outside of the normal data usage expected for a $10-per-month plan.

I don't know about you, but if I am going to spend $85,000 on something, it sure as heck ain't gonna be downloading movies over my phone. This should also be a warning signal to IT managers out there. Make sure your employees can't get themselves into similar trouble by implementing software to block such downloads.

-The Flipster

AT&T Lights Up Coast-To-Coast 40 Gbps Network

2007-12-17T14:22:00.000-08:00

AT&T announced Monday that it has lit its coast-to-coast IP/MPLS (Multiprotocol Label Switching) network, which delivers speeds of up to 40-Gigabit on the backbone network.

The company said the network is the first of its kind and doesn't need multiplexing capability on its 50,000 wavelength miles. The network connects major U.S. cities and includes 18,000 miles of optical ultra-long- haul routes that eventually will be able to carry customer voice and data traffic at speeds of up to 100 Gbps.

AT&T competitors Verizon Communications and Qwest Communications are also building and enhancing 40 Gbps networks.

"As the demand for Internet and IP-based applications continues to explode, IP traffic on the AT&T network has doubled throughout the past two years," said John Stankey, group president of Telecom Operations at AT&T, in a statement. "We fully expect this substantial growth to continue in the future."

AT&T noted that the new nationwide backbone carries a variety of IP-based services ranging from wireless data and business video to data and voice services as well as private line and wavelength traffic. The network also services IP-based residential services and provides Web access for the company' 13.8 million DSL and AT&T U-verse customers.

The network upgrade was provided by Cisco's Carrier Routing System (CRS-1), which also will support future upgrades "for years to come," AT&T stated. The configuration has been designed to support system capacity up to 92 Terabits per second during continuous system operation.

On an average business day the IP/MPLS network carries more than 13.4 petabytes of data traffic, AT&T said. That translates to more than 2.1 megabytes for every human on earth while providing 99.99% reliability.

-David Gardner
Information Week

PLEASE! Get help now!

2007-12-15T02:07:00.001-08:00

I ran across an interesting article when I did a Google search for "stop breathing during sleep".

Check it out here - Family Doctor Article on Sleep Apnea

Sleep Apnea is a breathing-related disorder characterized by a person literally stopping their breathing in the middle of the night. This can happen up to 400 times a night and could last a duration of up to 2 minutes per occurrence.

This is seriously scary as hell!

If you snore, think you snore, your partner complains about your snoring, or if you always feel tired during the day, seek help immediately! You could die from this as sleep apnea increases the risk of stroke, heart attack or death due to falling asleep while doing something important, like driving or operating a piece of machinery.

-The Flipster

A little Friday Humor to end the week...

2007-12-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, with the woman behind the wheel. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”

The officer says, “May I see your license?”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.” The woman gives him her license.

The officer says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with the nastiest woman I have ever had.”

The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”

“HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!”, the old man yells.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

have a good weekend!

-The Flipster

Hey! it's only a job!

2007-12-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I witnessed one of my "corporate" salespersons break out into tears. Being the compassionate person I am, I approached her and inquired what was the problem. After composing herself, she began to tell me of her problems with a potential new client. This client wanted some pretty strange requests. Things like wanting monthly meetings in person to go with the performance reports, a tour of our corporate office (a big 700 square feet!) and detailed reports of how we fund our operation. Now instead of telling these people to piss off, she wanted to work with them to get the business. Make sense to me. But, that kind of stress is not necessary. At the end of the day, it is just a job. Crying, hair pulling, screaming, gnashing of teeth is not the best way to go about daily business. Don't shorten your life over a few bucks!

You are far more productive if you let the bullcrap go and focus on the issues you can either control or deeply influence.

Just go home, have a beer, take a nap and be ready to work some more tomorrow!

-The Flipster

Sports Cars to display driver's penis size

2007-12-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

The British Government has decreed that all high-powered sports cars will have to comply with a new law designed to reduce carbon emissions. From January 1st all cars with an engine size of greater than three litres will have to display a separate license, similar to a taxi plate, clearly stating the size of the driver’s penis.

Porsche have claimed that their decision to withdraw completely from the UK market on the same date is ‘entirely coincidental’

and denied that their customers would be the worst affected.

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson blasted the idea before announcing that he had succumbed to ‘Global Warming guilt’ and was downgrading his car to a one point three Renault. ‘Little’ Richard Hammond however was surprisingly seen at the Ferrari showroom smugly ordering a top of the range model and an illuminated plate.

Other British drivers have been lobbying the Government to embrace the metric system so that six inches may appear as a bold fifteen cm.. Female motorists welcomed the move and are exempt from the law by default. ‘It’s not just a matter of anatomy’ explained the Transport Minister. ‘Very few women are attracted to these brash and expensive vehicles, though the ones that are might have to display the penis size of their footballer husband.’

Another law was blocked by SUV drivers who won an appeal against their IQs being displayed on their cars. It was successfully argued that in the vast majority of cases the simple 4×4 multiplication on the back of their vehicles already gave the correct answer.

She isn't dying!?

2007-12-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

After hearing from doctors that 93-year-old Maud Price had only a couple of days to live, her family decided to move Maud from the local NHS trust hospital to the comfortable surroundings of Apple Trees, a top class private hospice. They have since expressed admiration and some surprise at her ability to ‘hang-on-in-there,’ in the GBP850-day facility.

‘We all wanted Nanna to be as comfortable as possible in her final hours, money was no object,’ said Granddaughter Katie, ‘but, that was three months ago, I’m astonished she’s still with us. It just goes to show that her generation are made of stronger stuff.’

Maud’s family fear the GBP150,000 raised from the sale of her bungalow and furniture will not last much longer. Katie is worried that if her grandmother keeps going she won’t just have spent their inheritance, but the family will have to start paying out to keep her in the home, ‘not that I would want it any other way’ said Katie hurriedly, ‘we all love her, she’s a real trooper.’

The consultant treating Mrs Price has admitted that he’s amazed at her refusal to die, he has even joked that she could rally further and go on for another few years. Katie appeared to express mixed feelings that her Grandmother could be around for some time to come, ‘I mean, when it’s family, you don’t mind the money do you? Yet, one has to be practical too, if she lasts another fortnight I can kiss goodbye to that new car; a month and the kids can forget about that trip to Disney I promised them.

‘I may have a fiddle with that drip thing; it’s what she would have wanted.’

Parents Upset Must-have toys are "Easy to Get"

2007-12-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

Parents expecting a long struggle to get hold of popular Christmas children’s toys and gadgets are reported to be extremely disappointed this year. High street and online retailers across the country say they are well stocked and ready to supply even the most in-demand products.

Failure to provide ‘must-have gifts’ has always been portrayed as a nightmare for parents but in fact parents relish the annual opportunity to prove themselves to their offspring. The ritual can also be beneficial for children because as one child admitted, ‘If Mum and Dad don’t get us what we want for Christmas they feel guilty all year.’ Traditionally parents across the country have been willing to punch, kick and bite in toy shops as if their life depended upon it.

But tragically this year, thanks to better marketing and distribution software most retailers say their manufacturers are much better informed of likely demand and will be able to supply enough goods for everyone.

One divorced father was appalled at what he calls ‘a lack of forethought’ from retailers. Mr John Rivers from Manchester claims that most parents feel a deep seated need to trawl the shops and internet for elusive toys and gadgets. ‘I paid over GBP600 for a Nintendo Wii last year but it showed my son how much I love him. He was the only kid in his class to get one and I think that shows just who the best parent is. He thought the gift his Mother gave him was crap.’

This sentiment is echoed by Melissa Jones of Bristol who spent three days last December camped outside the city’s branch of ‘Toys R Us’ waiting for a delivery of Xbox 360’s for her daughter Olivia. ‘She’s only 15 months old but it was very important that she got one. How could I have faced the other parents at nursery knowing that all I had got her was a doll or something?’

Judge orders retrial in Bambi mother murder

2007-12-07T10:06:00.000-08:00

A US judge today ordered a retrial in the infamous ‘Bambi’s Mummy’ shooting, which has continued to generate controversy and media interest ever since the seemingly random murder shocked an entire nation.

The famous young fawn Bambi became an orphan after the brutal woodland murder. Following intense pressure to make an arrest, police finally charged Elmer Fudd, a lone hunter with learning difficulties linked to a chronic speech defect. Mr Fudd, described as a ‘short friendless social outcast with an interest in firearms’, was an easy fit for the desperate detectives even though he always maintained he was out ‘wabbit hunting’ at the time of the shooting.

However the judge this week decided that the jury had been ‘misled’ by prosecutors about the significance of the invisible speck of firearm discharge residue that was found by forensic scientists more than a year after the event. It also transpires that information was withheld from the jury concerning potentially damaging revelations about the career of Bambi’s mother. Only subsequently has it emerged that as a young doe she had appeared in low-budget ‘hide-flicks’ such as ‘Buck Rogers’ and ‘Deep Goat’.

Mr Fudd has already been acquitted of aggravated arson after careful study of contemporary footage revealed the forest fire to have been caused by an accident. In a separate case, a judge has dismissed as ‘completely without evidence’ the repeated claims that Roger Rabbit may have been framed.

Britain runs out of unfamous people!

2007-11-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

Britain officially ran out of un-famous people at 11.49pm last night, after the last remaining member of the public appeared in ITV3 reality TV show called ‘Celebrity Search UK’.

Producers of British reality TV shows such as Big Brother or X-Factor had long been warning about the diminishing number of un-famous people but the sudden stardom of Britain’s last member of the public had still occurred earlier than many sociologists had predicted.

‘Every year it has been getting more difficult to find people who haven’t been on other TV shows’ said Joe Tandy a runner for BBC2’s The Apprentice. ‘We have to turn people down all the time for having been on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’, ‘Help! My Kids Are Fat’, ‘My Really Ugly Neighbours’ or ‘Homes That Smell’. All our cameramen are famous, the caterers, everyone – filming has to keep stopping while everyone gets everyone else’s autographs.’

Gregory Charles, a mathematician at Cambridge University believes what is called ‘total celebrity saturation’ will now spread across the rest of the globe; ‘If you include internet novelty acts and radio phone-ins, there are actually only eighty-three people left in all of Europe who haven’t had their fifteen minutes of fame. Even with just the daytime shows, they’ll have to start repeating people in less than three months’ he claimed.

Joe Tandy added; ‘The market is just too over saturated. X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent can sweep through over 10,000 people in one series; it’s just too much to keep everyone in business.’ One hope was that illegal migrants arriving at the French channel ports could be used. But then the producer recognised most of them from the new ITV phone-vote reality asylum competition ‘Who wants to win British passport?’

However the BBC believe they have devised the next generation of talent shows with a radical new competition in which thousands of celebrities compete to win lifelong obscurity and anonymity. The winner gets their own series on BBC 4.

-The Flipster

Right ON!!!!! Yeah! Fuck Yes!

2007-09-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

We’ve just obtained video of Rep. Jack Murtha being directly confronted over repeatedly accusing the Haditha Marines of murdering Iraqis “in cold blood.”

And Here it is. The man confronting Murtha is Jason Mattera, of the Young America’s Foundation.

Al Qaeda release video out-take DVD

2007-08-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

Terrorist organisation Al Qaeda has entered the home entertainment market today by releasing a DVD compilation of out-takes from their various videos. The DVD features terrorist leader Osama bin Laden and his sidekick Ayman al-Zawahiri engaging in several hilarious incidents including messing up their lines, forgetting which countries they were supposed to be threatening, and bin Laden slipping up and falling painfully on his backside as he walked pensively down an Afghan mountainside.

The DVD, which was hand-delivered to an al-Jazeera journalist in Kandahar and posted to several branches of Blockbuster Video throughout the UK and the US, is tipped to be a huge hit in the West despite the Bush administration slamming the tape it as ‘unfunny and of poor technical quality.’

Craig Elsandreth, Development Director at the Global Security Institute, admitted they had not expected this step from the global terror network. ‘One minute they’re ranting about establishing an Islamic caliphate across the world and destroying the infidels with fire and explosions, and the next they’re releasing a DVD of some terrorist firing an RPG off a mountain and being knocked flat on his back by the recoil, much to the amusement of his comrades behind the camera.’

Security experts were said to be ‘particularly interested’ in one scene which shows bin Laden choosing which detachable beard to wear before arguing with the make-up girl about whether he should wear mascara or not. There are also suspicions that some of the last few clips were contrived to pad the tape out a bit. ‘The one in which bin Laden is walking past the swimming pool and ‘accidentally’ falls in is transparent. Why does his route take him into the path of the carelessly abandoned skateboard?’

The White House was swift to denounce the DVD, stating that ‘this kind of manipulative propaganda will never work on the American people’. However George Bush found reporters starting to laugh as he said ‘We are on the verge of finding bin Laden.’ The embarrassing footage continued when the President declared ‘We are winning the war on terror.’ ‘That’s definitely one for the Christmas tape!’ laughed one Washington correspondent.

Posted: 31 August 2007 by The Flipster

Good Parody! - The Flipster

2007-08-16T08:55:00.001-07:00

Manipulated Politics

2007-08-14T09:39:00.001-07:00

'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General

More at http://www.iflipyouoff.com/

-The Flipster

I really hate this, but this bastard is hurting!

2007-08-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

LOS ANGELES—Actor Ben Affleck, best known for his role in the 2003 film Daredevil, told reporters Monday he would really like to see action hero Jason Bourne, played by longtime friend Matt Damon, acquire a sidekick in his next film.

"I was thinking that the character, who would probably be Bourne's childhood friend, could really breathe some new life into the series," said Affleck, adding that the Jason Bourne character ran the risk of boring American audiences if the superspy wasn't allowed to show a more human side in his films. "I envision the sidekick as being taller, slightly beefier, and having darker hair than Bourne. He may not be the smartest, but he could provide comic relief and would always look out for his best friend."
"I know a few people who would play the part," the Jersey Girl and Gigli star continued. "Hell, even I would put some projects aside to do it if that's what the producers wanted."
According to Affleck, the fourth film in the Bourne franchise, which has traditionally taken place in European locales but was most recently set in New York City, needs a refreshing location that would surprise filmgoers, such as gritty South Boston. Just moments after the opening credits, the amnesiac CIA assassin would learn that he grew up there, had an abusive childhood, dropped out of high school, and once worked as a janitor at a local college.
Affleck said he ultimately imagined the film as being less a traditional spy thriller and more about friendship and the importance of realizing one's true potential.
"The sidekick represents the kind of life Bourne would have lived had he never gone off and become a hotshot CIA agent with a big-time career," said Affleck, who described the new character as having suffered a string of bad luck and made a number of poor life choices. "Basically, his character would kill to have Bourne's natural fighting and spying ability, but it's his role in the movie to show Bourne that even though he is a very gifted and talented individual, he should never leave his old friends behind."
Though Affleck, who offered to write the script for free, anticipates more lengthy scenes of dialogue than is typical for a Bourne film, he promised the movie would not be without its signature fight sequences. Affleck said he had already storyboarded one scene, set at a Boston Red Sox game, in which Bourne, the sidekick, and another high school friend, played by director Kevin Smith, get into a fast-paced drunken argument over the film Star Wars and each of their respective mothers.
"How do you like them apples?" said Affleck, referring to what the sidekick could theoretically say after Bourne breaks the necks of several security guards at Fenway Park.
Affleck, who won a Teen Choice Award for his work in 2001's Pearl Harbor, said he plans to pitch the idea to Damon the next time the two see each other, hopefully at an Emmy Awards after-party next month. If Affleck loses his invitation for the event Damon is attending, as he reportedly did last year, he and Damon will discuss the project during one of the rare weekends in which Damon is not working on a film and both actors happen to be at home in their native Massachusetts at the same time.
"I really think he'll go for this," Affleck said. "I know Matt Damon better than anyone in the world, and I just know he's going to love this. I know it. He just has to."
While admitting that a fourth Bourne film has not been discussed, executive producer Doug Liman agreed that a sidekick character might be worth exploring. Liman wrote in an e-mail Friday that he already had a short list of possible candidates for the role, including Vince Vaughn, John C. Reilly, Luke Wilson, Tim Robbins, Minnie Driver, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Casey Affleck, Don Cheadle, and Adam Sandler.

Whoops! Fix it, now!

2007-07-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

Apple are facing a massive recall operation after it was revealed that after packing so much impressive technology into their new iPhone, they omitted to add a ‘phone’ function to the otherwise impressive gadget.

‘Sure, it’s a slip up all right, but not a huge one’ admitted Steve Jobs, ‘I guess that we got so carried away with the state-of-the-art software, functions and interface that we’ve forgot it was supposed to be a phone above all else.’

The launch of the much-hyped device saw many friendless enthusiasts queue for days to be the first people to get hold of the gadget. ‘Most normal people who were not social outcasts would just wait a few days until they became more widely available ’ commented one passer-by. ‘Who are they going to show it to? All they will do is go home and blog about it or visit some forum for geeks and use the word ‘cool’ a lot.’

Ironically, it is this lack of ‘real-life social interaction’ amongst the initial purchasers of iPhone, that meant the omission was not discovered for over a week after the launch. It appears that it wasn’t until a woman in Austin, Texas tried to call her 15-year-old son on his new toy that the mistake came to light.’

Mr Jobs continued, ‘In our defence you can check your email, text, send picture and movie files, browse the web and many more things beside, talking is so ‘yesterday’s technology’ anyway. But if people want to be picky we’ll exchange them.’

The problem has not affected a number of middle aged parents who have were persuaded to buy the device by their teenage children and will continue to use it mainly as a paperweight.

Bill Gates' last "hurrah"...

2007-06-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is folks... The last piece of shit technology from a fucked up company that will be directly influenced by an ego-maniacal bastard that tried to rule the world.... Surface Computing! Imagine the driver issues with this one...

Fuck you, Bill! Now give me $100 million dollars!

http://www.microsoft.com/surface

-The Flipster

What is her problem?!

2007-04-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04242007/gossip/pagesix/pagesix_u.htm

You know, if you just ignore it, it will go away!

I think the term, "cunt" is way too flattering for this fetted pile of rat-shit.

-The Flipster

NCAA-Tourney Time!

2007-03-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

So, do you think University of Memphis will take it?

-The Flipster
IFlipYouOff.com

Well done, Tim Hardaway! But...

2007-02-25T10:56:00.000-08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SPORT/02/16/basketball.hardaway.ap/index.html

Dang it! They got to him and made him "apologize"... It is sad when personal views, feelings, beliefs are stifled by others. Welcome to 1984, people. Except this time, the powers that be are fervently pushing their population control agenda.

And to clarify; NEVER HATE THE PERSON. ONLY HATE THEIR ACTS.

-The Flipster

Minimalist Toyota Sports Car Is A Hybrid

2007-01-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

Today's FlipBlog Entry - Hybrid Muscle Cars!
brought to you by http://www.iflipyouoff.com/

The Toyota FT-HS is a 400-horsepower hybrid sports car with expressive styling that includes areas where outer sheet metal and parts of the seats inside are literally carved away because they’re not needed.

For example, the four separate seats in the FT-HS merely provide the contact points with a passenger’s body. The areas of the seats that don’t need to touch passenger bodies are missing.

The hybrid gas-electric engine includes a 3.5-liter V6 which can provide a projected 0-to-60-miles-an-hour time “in the 4 second range,” said Kevin Hunter, who leads Toyota’s North American Calty Design Center in California.

Purely a design project with no plans for becoming a production car, the FT-HS answers the question, “What is a suitable and appropriate sports car for the 21st century?” he said.

It also explores possible future designs for Toyota. “We don’t want to create design that’s representative of pure American design,” Hunter said. “Toyota is originally a Japanese company. That’s part of our history, part of our culture. We’re trying to express some Japanese attributes … it’s our DNA.”

FT-HS DesignHunter pointed to the taillights on the FT-HS. They’re integrated into the rear deck, rather than added on decoratively. He also noted that front and rear fascias are scooped out to reduce unnecessary mass. The roof has a scooped-out section, too, to reduce aerodynamic drag and still provide good headroom. The car’s overall style is a contrast of hard-edged corners and minimalist function.

Unique features of the FT-HS include a telescoping hub-less steering wheel for steering by wire, a power roof made of carbon fiber Kevlar that moves down and behind the front-seat passengers for open-air driving and headlights made up of clusters of light-emitting diode lights.

“Driver today are not satisfied with cars that are simply fast,” Hunter said. “In addition to driving enjoyment, drivers are concerned about safety, ecology and social responsibility.”

Toyota is the world’s largest seller of gas-electric hybrid vehicles. Jim Lentz, executive vice president at Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A. Inc., predicted the company will sell a record 150,000 Prius gas-electric hybrids in the U.S. in calendar 2007.

With a U.S. government fuel economy rating of 60 miles a gallon in city driving and 51 mpg on the highway, the 2007 Prius is the most fuel-efficient car sold in America.

Lentz added that when other Toyota and Lexus hybrid model sales are added in, the automaker’s hybrid sales should top 250,000 this year for the first time.

-The Flipster

The Lowdown On Las Vegas Comedy Clubs, Comedy Shows & Stand Up

2007-01-07T13:45:00.000-08:00

Las Vegas is famous for its strip clubs, casinos, buffets and show girls but Las Vegas also well caters for visitors who would like to try their hand at stand up comedy or who are just after a laugh in one of the many Las Vegas comedy clubs and comedy shows. Here's a list of Las Vegas comedy clubs and shows to keep you in stitches on your Las Vegas vacation together with Las Vegas comedy show ticket information: Boomerang's - 6650 Vegas Drive 792/631-4711. Boomerang's is a late night comedy club open every Saturday from 10.30. If you are looking for a cheap night you will be pleased to know Boomerang's has no cover charge. Funniez Comedy Club. This comedy club is open every Friday and Saturday night from 10pm. It is for people aged over 21 years. It's at Buffalo Bill's. Funny Business Comedy Club - Krave Nightclub, at Aladdin 866/273-6029. It hosts both new talent and experienced talent. It has shows every night from 7pm. Laughs at the Beach - The Beach, 365 Convention Center Drive 702/731-1925. This club is open every Saturday from 8pm to 10pm with both local and visiting acts. There is no cover charge. Riviera Comedy Club - Mardi Gras Entertainment Complex at the Riviera, 702/794-9433. This comedy club has more than just the usual stand up comedians. It has shows every night at 8.30 pm and 10pm. The Comedy Stop-Comedy Stop Theatre at the Tropicana, 702/739-2411. This comedy club has three comics that rotate weekly and also love to feature the latest comedians. The age is over 21 and there are two shows every night at 8pm and 10.30pm. The Improv - Harrah's 702/369-5111. This comedy club features three new acts every week. You must be over 18 years of age. It has shows Tuesday through Sunday at 8.30 and 10.30pm. If you fancy yourself as a bit of a yet to be discovered stand up and are looking for an open mic try out Boomers 702/368-1863 which has an open mic night every Sunday from 8pm; Norma Jeane's, 702/768-6666 (evenings) with an open mic night every Thursday from 11pm onwards; and The Dive Bar, 702/579-4707 which has an open mic night every Sunday from 10pm For the latest up to date comedy club information go to http://www.vegas.com/shows/ and http://govegas.about.com/od/comedyshows/ For detailed information about The Las Vegas Comedy Festival go to http://www.lasvegascomedyfestival.com/

-The Flipster

IFlipYouOff.com has been updated!

2007-01-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

Check it out! If Google can buy Blogger, then The FlipBoard can buy PHPBB!

Log in and enjoy!

IFlipYouOff.com

-The Flipster

Strangely erotic...

2007-01-01T13:36:00.000-08:00


That's it. I'm moving to Japan. My "junk" commands it. -The Flipster

Does Sex really sell? Or is it an excuse to completely screw up urbane Internet users?

2006-12-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

Sex Sells On Social Networking Sites

By Autumn Davis
Staff Writer | WebProNews

Companies have turned to the popularity of online social networking sites to help market their campaigns.

Market and research developers have to come to the same conclusion time after time: sex sells. With that knowledge in mind, companies have begun to create fake profiles on social networking sites in order to promote their products.

It was brought to my attention by a fellow writer at my company that an Italian beverage company called Campari was utilizing social networking sites MySpace, Flickr, and YouTube in their campaign.

Consumers are so visually driven that comes as no surprise that the Campari has created a fictitious MySpace profile for a woman called "Red Passion", who is based in Milan, Italy.

Both the Flickr and YouTube profiles are similarly constructed and glamorized by photos of Red Passion.

Red Passion is a beautiful, scantily clad woman who enjoys posting pictures of herself on the Internet, which has everything to do with Italian beverage companies. Wait, that has absolutely nothing to do with an Italian beverage company.

Fuck Sony!

2006-11-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

The Playstation 3 has pissed me off. Everything from websites being rendered useless to assholes fighting in stores has created a frenzy for something that in 3 months will be made available as easily as condoms to public school students.

Buy mine now so I can go fucking buy a Nintendo Wii.

EBAY Auction Item #250051871061

Cheap PS3 (60GB)

-The Flipster

VideoBlogging - Scroll down to watch

2006-10-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

View All Videos

Web
Video In Your Livingroom?

Make no mistake, the internet IS the future of video distribution. Yet, 'net video
enterprise, Blip.tv feels that content is "meant to be watched sitting on
your living room couch with a remote in hand, right on your tv set." That's
why it's focusing on creating strong partnerships with companies operating in
and outside of the web, to edit and distribute content via both traditional and
innovative methods.

Way to go, AOL!

2006-08-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

Read what this douchebag from AOL said in a prepared statement, pertaining to the recent disclosure of AOL search data....

-The Flipster

Andrew Weinstein - AOL Spokesperson

All –
This was a screw up, and we’re angry and upset about it. It was an innocent enough attempt to reach out to the academic community with new research tools, but it was obviously not appropriately vetted, and if it had been, it would have been stopped in an instant.
Although there was no personally-identifiable data linked to these accounts, we’re absolutely not defending this. It was a mistake, and we apologize. We’ve launched an internal investigation into what happened, and we are taking steps to ensure that this type of thing never happens again.
Here was what was mistakenly released:
* Search data for roughly 658,000 anonymized users over a three month period from March to May.
* There was no personally identifiable data provided by AOL with those records, but search queries themselves can sometims include such information.
* According to comScore Media Metrix, the AOL search network had 42.7 million unique visitors in May, so the total data set covered roughly 1.5% of May search users.
* Roughly 20 million search records over that period, so the data included roughly 1/3 of one percent of the total searches conducted through the AOL network over that period.
* The searches included as part of this data only included U.S. searches conducted within the AOL client software.
Our apologies again.
Andrew WeinsteinAOL Spokesperson

You can laugh at anything these days...

2006-08-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Satirists are pouring their energies into the war effort, helping Israelis blow off steam by poking fun at their politicians and generals, and of course at Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah.
One TV skit shows former Prime Minister Ariel Sharon waking up from his coma thinking he's back in 1982, when he masterminded Israel's first Lebanon war. Others show the army chief as a cocky cowboy and a famous singer outstaying his welcome in a bomb shelter.
But although Israel prides itself on laughing at absolutely anything, some critics are charging that Israeli satirists are making do with cheap shots at easy targets and are pulling their punches on the real issues of the day.
In a country where public debate often reaches hysterical levels and criticism is something of a national pastime, satire has a special place: The highest-rated TV show in the country is a satirical program, "Eretz Nehederet," or "Wonderful Country," a fake news broadcast featuring a roster of popular comedians.

The show portrays the chief of staff, Dan Halutz, a former fighter pilot, as a Top Gun type in Air Force coveralls and tinted sunglasses, thoroughly enamored of his military toys. President Moshe Katzav, recently at the center of allegations of sexual harassment, appears as a svelte cad in a bathrobe on a mission to show his support for the female residents of Israel's bombarded north.
"Eretz Nehederet" has taken aim at overenthusiastic media coverage of the war, devoting one skit to a military correspondent for the country's biggest TV station. Here he enthuses about an army plan to take Beirut and then Damascus before admitting to the anchor that it's his own plan, not the army's. Then he picks up a rifle and fires a burst in the direction of Lebanon.
The undisputed star of the past three weeks, however, is Nasrallah.
The Hezbollah leader, said Muli Segev, Eretz Nehederet's executive producer, has become no less than an Israeli media icon. Segev's show portrays him as a megalomaniac who wants little more than to star on Israeli TV, loudly proclaiming his status as a "ratings magician."
(Associated Press)

-The Flipster

Round 2 - Eight Years Later...

2006-06-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/06/09/D8I4NBB00.html

Well, at least they aren't going to drag this girls name and face through the mud. Especially since it has already been used as a toilet.

-The Flipster

I can understand differences but, come on!

2006-06-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/424089p-357769c.html

Maybe it's time to get introspective here... Do we really see Blacks this way? African Americans still seem to be looked at as "second class" citizens. Now ask yourself, "do you think this is right?" Sure every race that is not our own annoy the hell out of us, but remember, we annoy all of the other races. So, we really aren't that much better. This can also be applied to any particular race at any time. So relax. Even though you are not better than that guy/gal that pissed you off or think they are more "filthy" than you, they are thinking the exact same thing about you.

- The Flipster

Just less than 2 years left, guys... Hold on...

2006-05-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

The ultimate talking head made his speech this evening. And wow... My head began to hurt from the overwhelming smell of methane wafting from the pile of shit being spewed for 15 minutes from my television set.

I sure am glad we have so many millionaires in this country. If we were a poor nation, then we would experience a non-stop barrage of late payment notices and bankruptcy proceedings. This plan the president just outlined will not work simply because it was not designed to work. Check it out:

-The Flipster
-----------------------

Text of Bush's Speech on ImmigrationMay 15 8:15 PM US/Eastern

By The Associated PressText of President Bush's speech on immigration

Good evening. I have asked for a few minutes of your time to discuss a matter of national importance: the reform of America's immigration system.
The issue of immigration stirs intense emotions and in recent weeks, Americans have seen those emotions on display. On the streets of major cities, crowds have rallied in support of those in our country illegally. At our southern border, others have organized to stop illegal immigrants from coming in. Across the country, Americans are trying to reconcile these contrasting images.
And in Washington, the debate over immigration reform has reached a time of decision. Tonight, I will make it clear where I stand, and where I want to lead our country on this vital issue.
We must begin by recognizing the problems with our immigration system. For decades, the United States has not been in complete control of its borders. As a result, many who want to work in our economy have been able to sneak across our border and millions have stayed.
Once here, illegal immigrants live in the shadows of our society. Many use forged documents to get jobs, and that makes it difficult for employers to verify that the workers they hire are legal. Illegal immigration puts pressure on public schools and hospitals, strains state and local budgets, and brings crime to our communities. These are real problems, yet we must remember that the vast majority of illegal immigrants are decent people who work hard, support their families, practice their faith, and lead responsible lives. They are a part of American life but they are beyond the reach and protection of American law.
We are a nation of laws, and we must enforce our laws. We are also a nation of immigrants, and we must uphold that tradition, which has strengthened our country in so many ways. These are not contradictory goals. America can be a lawful society and a welcoming society at the same time. We will fix the problems created by illegal immigration, and we will deliver a system that is secure, orderly and fair. So I support comprehensive immigration reform that will accomplish five clear objectives.
First, the United States must secure its borders. This is a basic responsibility of a sovereign nation. It is also an urgent requirement of our national security. Our objective is straightforward: The border should be open to trade and lawful immigration and shut to illegal immigrants, as well as criminals, drug dealers and terrorists.
I was the governor of a state that has a 1,200-mile border with Mexico. So I know how difficult it is to enforce the border, and how important it is. Since I became president, we have increased funding for border security by 66 percent, and expanded the Border Patrol from about 9,000 to 12,000 agents. The men and women of our Border Patrol are doing a fine job in difficult circumstances, and over the past five years, we have apprehended and sent home about 6 million people entering America illegally.
Despite this progress, we do not yet have full control of the border, and I am determined to change that. Tonight I am calling on Congress to provide funding for dramatic improvements in manpower and technology at the border. By the end of 2008, we will increase the number of Border Patrol officers by an additional 6,000. When these new agents are deployed, we will have more than doubled the size of the Border Patrol during my presidency.
At the same time, we are launching the most technologically advanced border security initiative in American history. We will construct high-tech fences in urban corridors, and build new patrol roads and barriers in rural areas. We will employ motion sensors infrared cameras and unmanned aerial vehicles to prevent illegal crossings. America has the best technology in the world and we will ensure that the Border Patrol has the technology they need to do their job and secure our border.
Training thousands of new Border Patrol agents and bringing the most advanced technology to the border will take time. Yet the need to secure our border is urgent. So I am announcing several immediate steps to strengthen border enforcement during this period of transition:
One way to help during this transition is to use the National Guard. So in coordination with governors, up to 6,000 Guard members will be deployed to our southern border. The Border Patrol will remain in the lead. The Guard will assist the Border Patrol by operating surveillance systems analyzing intelligence installing fences and vehicle barriers building patrol roads and providing training. Guard units will not be involved in direct law enforcement activities that duty will be done by the Border Patrol. This initial commitment of Guard members would last for a period of one year. After that, the number of Guard forces will be reduced as new Border Patrol agents and new technologies come online. It is important for Americans to know that we have enough Guard forces to win the war on terror, respond to natural disasters, and help secure our border.
The United States is not going to militarize the southern border. Mexico is our neighbor, and our friend. We will continue to work cooperatively to improve security on both sides of the border, to confront common problems like drug trafficking and crime, and to reduce illegal immigration.
Another way to help during this period of transition is through state and local law enforcement in our border communities. So we will increase federal funding for state and local authorities assisting the Border Patrol on targeted enforcement missions. And we will give state and local authorities the specialized training they need to help federal officers apprehend and detain illegal immigrants. State and local law enforcement officials are an important resource and they are part of our strategy to secure our border communities.
The steps I have outlined will improve our ability to catch people entering our country illegally. At the same time, we must ensure that every illegal immigrant we catch crossing our southern border is returned home. More than 85 percent of the illegal immigrants we catch crossing the southern border are Mexicans, and most are sent back home within 24 hours. But when we catch illegal immigrants from other countries, it is not as easy to send them home. For many years, the government did not have enough space in our detention facilities to hold them while the legal process unfolded. So most were released back into our society and asked to return for a court date. When the date arrived, the vast majority did not show up. This practice, called "catch and release," is unacceptable and we will end it.
We are taking several important steps to meet this goal. We have expanded the number of beds in our detention facilities, and we will continue to add more. We have expedited the legal process to cut the average deportation time. And we are making it clear to foreign governments that they must accept back their citizens who violate our immigration laws. As a result of these actions, we have ended "catch and release" for illegal immigrants from some countries. And I will ask Congress for additional funding and legal authority, so we can end "catch and release" at the southern border once and for all. When people know that they will be caught and sent home if they enter our country illegally, they will be less likely to try to sneak in.
Second, to secure our border, we must create a temporary worker program. The reality is that there are many people on the other side of our border who will do anything to come to America to work and build a better life. They walk across miles of desert in the summer heat, or hide in the back of 18-wheelers to reach our country. This creates enormous pressure on our border that walls and patrols alone will not stop. To secure the border effectively, we must reduce the numbers of people trying to sneak across.
Therefore, I support a temporary worker program that would create a legal path for foreign workers to enter our country in an orderly way, for a limited period of time. This program would match willing foreign workers with willing American employers for jobs Americans are not doing. Every worker who applies for the program would be required to pass criminal background checks. And temporary workers must return to their home country at the conclusion of their stay.
A temporary worker program would meet the needs of our economy, and it would give honest immigrants a way to provide for their families while respecting the law. A temporary worker program would reduce the appeal of human smugglers and make it less likely that people would risk their lives to cross the border. It would ease the financial burden on state and local governments, by replacing illegal workers with lawful taxpayers. And above all, a temporary worker program would add to our security by making certain we know who is in our country and why they are here.
Third, we need to hold employers to account for the workers they hire. It is against the law to hire someone who is in this country illegally. Yet businesses often cannot verify the legal status of their employees, because of the widespread problem of document fraud. Therefore, comprehensive immigration reform must include a better system for verifying documents and work eligibility. A key part of that system should be a new identification card for every legal foreign worker. This card should use biometric technology, such as digital fingerprints, to make it tamper-proof. A tamper-proof card would help us enforce the law and leave employers with no excuse for violating it. And by making it harder for illegal immigrants to find work in our country, we would discourage people from crossing the border illegally in the first place.
Fourth, we must face the reality that millions of illegal immigrants are already here. They should not be given an automatic path to citizenship. This is amnesty, and I oppose it. Amnesty would be unfair to those who are here lawfully and it would invite further waves of illegal immigration.
Some in this country argue that the solution is to deport every illegal immigrant and that any proposal short of this amounts to amnesty. I disagree. It is neither wise nor realistic to round up millions of people, many with deep roots in the United States, and send them across the border. There is a rational middle ground between granting an automatic path to citizenship for every illegal immigrant, and a program of mass deportation. That middle ground recognizes that there are differences between an illegal immigrant who crossed the border recently and someone who has worked here for many years, and has a home, a family, and an otherwise clean record. I believe that illegal immigrants who have roots in our country and want to stay should have to pay a meaningful penalty for breaking the law to pay their taxes to learn English and to work in a job for a number of years. People who meet these conditions should be able to apply for citizenship but approval would not be automatic, and they will have to wait in line behind those who played by the rules and followed the law. What I have just described is not amnesty it is a way for those who have broken the law to pay their debt to society, and demonstrate the character that makes a good citizen.
Fifth, we must honor the great American tradition of the melting pot, which has made us one Nation out of many peoples. The success of our country depends upon helping newcomers assimilate into our society, and embrace our common identity as Americans. Americans are bound together by our shared ideals, an appreciation of our history, respect for the flag we fly, and an ability to speak and write the English language. English is also the key to unlocking the opportunity of America. English allows newcomers to go from picking crops to opening a grocery from cleaning offices to running offices from a life of low- paying jobs to a diploma, a career, and a home of their own. When immigrants assimilate and advance in our society, they realize their dreams, they renew our spirit and they add to the unity of America.
Tonight, I want to speak directly to members of the House and the Senate: An immigration reform bill needs to be comprehensive, because all elements of this problem must be addressed together or none of them will be solved at all. The House has passed an immigration bill. The Senate should act by the end of this month so we can work out the differences between the two bills, and Congress can pass a comprehensive bill for me to sign into law.
America needs to conduct this debate on immigration in a reasoned and respectful tone. Feelings run deep on this issue and as we work it out, all of us need to keep some things in mind. We cannot build a unified country by inciting people to anger, or playing on anyone's fears, or exploiting the issue of immigration for political gain. We must always remember that real lives will be affected by our debates and decisions, and that every human being has dignity and value no matter what their citizenship papers say.
I know many of you listening tonight have a parent or a grandparent who came here from another country with dreams of a better life. You know what freedom meant to them, and you know that America is a more hopeful country because of their hard work and sacrifice. As President, I have had the opportunity to meet people of many backgrounds, and hear what America means to them. On a visit to Bethesda Naval Hospital, Laura and I met a wounded Marine named Guadalupe Denogean. Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean came to the United States from Mexico when he was a boy. He spent his summers picking crops with his family, and then he volunteered for the United States Marine Corps as soon as he was able. During the liberation of Iraq, Master Gunnery Sergeant Denogean was seriously injured. When asked if he had any requests, he made two a promotion for the corporal who helped rescue him and the chance to become an American citizen. And when this brave Marine raised his right hand, and swore an oath to become a citizen of the country he had defended for more than 26 years, I was honored to stand at his side.
We will always be proud to welcome people like Guadalupe Denogean as fellow Americans. Our new immigrants are just what they have always been people willing to risk everything for the dream of freedom. And America remains what she has always been the great hope on the horizon an open door to the future a blessed and promised land. We honor the heritage of all who come here, no matter where they are from, because we trust in our country's genius for making us all Americans, one nation under God. Thank you, and good night.
END

Si se puede! <--- Bullshit!

2006-04-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

Why should Americans allow any and everybody into their country to live as they see fit without question?

Are you telling me this country does not have the right to manage who is entering its borders? Are you telling me that it is not "right" to ask its inhabitants to assimilate and not create their own "micro-country"?

Why isn't this government reacting to defend this country? Is it not far-fetched to think Vincente Foxx wants a large amount of American "inhabitants" to be Mexican? Think of the political pressure 50 or 60 million individuals voting to support things like free trade and open borders with Mexico, or ratification of Spanish as America's official language. Guess what? It's happening and I wish the Federal government, as well as all state governments, would get off of their dead asses and address the problem without allowing everybody to stay if they pay two large and pass a ten question multiple choice test! (which, by the way, is made available via Mexican media outlets like Univision and some state-ran Mexican websites.)

Instead of looking to America to take care of the world's people who live in the shittiest of places, maybe we should put pressure on leaders like Vicente Foxx to take better care of his people and to stop shipping them across our borders... You gotta ask yourself, why would anyone want to hide out in dank, dingy and moldly vans, underground tunnels and tents in the middle of nowhere, just to risk getting shot, captured and sent back home; just to come here and pick lettuce and strawberries for 3 bucks an hour?!

If Saudi Arabia or Iran or Iraq was trying to pull this shit, maybe someone would do something about it.

-The Flipster

Quote of the day!

2006-03-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

"Didn't I see your father leave the bus station with a mouth of salad?"

Little R Kelly has released a DVD

2006-03-23T20:20:00.000-08:00

I can see it now...

Two brothers, side by side, simultaneously pissing on a 14 year old... Ah... Isn't fame wonderful???

Check out this little tidbit of news hell...

http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060323-081905-1692r

-The Flipster

I predicted a rag-head attack today! (3-16)

2006-03-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

Remember when the Flipster said someone was going to try something on March 16th? (3:16, book of John)

Well... --> http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/aztecs/20060316-1133-security-ncaa.html

-The Flipster

Martha Stewart prison photos!

2006-03-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

Taken from:
http://www.wftv.com/automotive/7992965/detail.html?treets=orlc&tid=2656057633813&tml=orlc_strange&tmi=orlc_strange_1_10000103152006&ts=H

-----------------------------------------------
Flipping The Bird: Protected Free Speech?

PITTSBURGH -- A Pennsylvania motorist is going to federal court to protect a very specific part of what he claims are his free speech rights: the right to show his middle finger.
Thomas Burns of New Castle, Pa., was cited for disorderly conduct last April after he became frustrated with a PennDOT traffic delay and he flipped his middle finger at a construction worker. The worker reported the gesture to a police officer in Beaver County, Pa., who cited Burns.
The citation was dropped in October when the officer and the offended construction worker failed to appear at a hearing Burns requested to fight the citation.
But now Burns is suing in federal court in Pittsburgh saying he never should have been cited in the first place and was maliciously prosecuted. He contends he was denied his First Amendment free speech rights.
-------------------------------------------

More reason that the majority of those in power are useless and need to removed, forcibly.

-The Flipster

PS3 Release date announced!

2006-03-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

Just over 16 hours ago at a conference held in an undisclosed location in Japan, Ken Kuratagi finally let the cat out of the proverbial bag.

A world-wide release date for the new PS3 has been set for November 11th. Awesome...

In addition to the highly anticipated date, Ken told us about a few other juicy tidbits. Like the detachable hard drive for the device that's going to be a whopping 60GB in size.

(3 times larger than the Xbox360's)

Fuck what you have heard! The PS3 is going to be the hottest item to get this year!!!

-The Flipster (live from my hotel room in Japan)

SOME PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED NEAR A COMPUTER

2006-03-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

(http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-nigerian2mar02,0,3251538.story?coll=la-home-headlines)

The title explains it all, and I had to copy it from Alex's blog entry at Sunbelt. The original story is found at LATimes. This is precisely why we keep alerting our subscribers at the FLIPBOARD to the dangers of email phishing, spam, etc. Its quite unfortunate that a well educated and esteemed professional falls for such traps. But wait a minute, the dumb-ass old fuck was 79 years old when the bullshit started! Read between the lines, people! Why was he allowed on the Internet in the first place?

This is what happens when old people are not managed and watched intently. They should not drive, use technology or be allowed outside with out personalized care and persistent supervision. I don't give a fuck how "smart" he/she supposedly is.

-The Flipster

An oldie, but goodie!

2006-02-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

"The Finger", by Charles Bukowski From "Bone Palace Ballet (1997)."
The Fingerthe drivers of automobiles have very little recourse or originality. when upset with another driver they often give him the FINGER.
I have seen two adult men, florid of face driving along giving each other the FINGER.
well, we all know what this means, it's no secret.
still, this gesture is so overused it has lost most of its impact.
some of the men who give the FINGER are captains of industry, city councilmen, insurance adjusters, accountants and/or plain unemployed. no matter. it is their favorite response.
pleople will never admit that they drive badly.
the FINGER is their reply.
I see grown men FINGERING each other throughout the day.
it gives me pause. when I consider the state of our cities, the state of our states, the state of our country, I begin to understand.
the FINGER is a mind- set. we are the FINGERERS. we give it to each other. we give it coming and going. we don't know how else to respond.
what a hell of a way to not live.

New Year's Resolution

2006-02-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

For 2006 I resolve to keep taking your money and spending it on things I don't need.

Now that I got that out of the way, I'd like to address those people who are positive that my website is a scam. You know what the great thing is about a website like mine? The X button in the top right hand corner of the page. That button is VERY useful for people who KNOW I'm a scam because they have......proof...er wait no they don't....they have a friend who said...um wait no....they have a "feeling"...yeah that's it.....a FEELING that I'm a scam....yeah that's right. They have a FEELING that the Rich Jerk is a fucking scammer bastard...yes that's it....and they are ALWAYS right about this sort of thing. There is NO POSSIBLE WAY the Rich Jerk's program could be legit. I mean look at this guy. He talks down to people. He's obnoxious. He's selling a "get rich quick" program and EVERYBODY knows that "get rich quick" programs are fake. He's obviously a scam.
Or wait...could it be that....no nevermind......it couldn't....or....hold on....could it?...Could it possibly be that calling the Rich Jerk a scam is just a cover up excuse? A cover up excuse for cry-babies who are too scared and lazy to try something with a 100% money back guarantee and thousands of positive reviews all over the Internet? Something that could possibly change their lives? Hmmm....I may be onto something here. And if so, that would mean that some people are lying to themselves. In that case, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And right now you're trying to justify that. And guess what? YOU are the one doing the SCAMMING. You're SCAMMING yourself. You don't REALLY want to change your life. You'd rather make excuses. And I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR LAME-ASS EXCUSES. So remember that X button we talked about before? Go ahead and click it now and PRESTO!! No more scam! How about that? Now run along and go cry to mommy.
On another note, I'd also like to point out that all of the "comments" written in response to my blog entries are fake. Apparently my staff creates these responses to make people think my product is better. Those sneaky devils. But they must not be doing a very good job at it because so many of you brainiacs have caught on! And I was obviously in on it. I'm really embarrassed. I've been outwitted by all of you savvy net detectives who have caught me in this intricate plot to fool everyone who reads my blog. But wait a second.....all of those comments have....names....emails.....websites.... all attached to their profiles. That would mean that my staff must have spent many hours creating hundreds of fake names, email addresses and websites just for the sake of posting fake blog comments. Wow, that's a lot of work. That doesn't make much sense does it? Exactly.
You know what else? I typed "rich jerk" in Google the other day and literally thousands of articles and reviews came up. It was tough to find any that had bad things to say about my program. Conspiracy theorists unite!! The Rich Jerk has obviously paid off thousands of people to write good reviews about his program! NONE of them are real......are they? Nahhh. And those testimonials on my website, those are obviously soooooooo fake. That thing I wrote on the testimonials page about swearing they are all real, under penalty of perjury.....I guess I could be looking at jail time! Oh well. I'll go ahead and leave it up there anyway.
It all just goes to show I've been exposed in my heinous plot at world domination.....scamming people 49 bucks at a time.

The Rich Jerk

The Flipster

Something that actually works!

2006-01-29T13:57:00.000-08:00

Here is a transcript of an actual email conversation:
(names have been changed to protect the innocent)
-----Original Message-----
From: plumloco (at) ***** (dot) com [email concealed]
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 11:49 AM
To: ****** (at) ****** (dot) com [email concealed]
Subject: virus

can someone help get rid of is468.exe dowload trojan
your help will be greatly appreciated
thanks!
plumloco
-----Original Message-----
From: ****** (at) ****** (dot) com [email concealed]
Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2006 14:55 PM
To: plummloco (at) ****** (dot) com [email concealed]
Subject: Re: virus

Try downloading "Error Killer". It has cured all of my deep virus issues. Newer trojans plant themselves within the registry, which makes them harder to detect.
It's a great app that you can try free. I think you can buy unlimited licenses for a pretty cheap price.
Here is the link --> http://5had0w.errkiller.hop.clickbank.net/
Thanks!
*******, MBA, Security+, A+, CBCP, CISSP
Sr. Business Systems Advisor
Security & Business Continuity
******* Corporation
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now if security professionals at major corporations are using this software, shouldn't you?
Error Killer
Get it here ---> http://5had0w.errkiller.hop.clickbank.net/
-The Flipster

Is this all the web has to offer?!

2006-01-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

My first experience on the Internet was, you guessed it, a bulletin board service. There, you could really hone your typing skills as you met new friends and hacked your way around cyberspace. Then along came the browser. Sure, we all enjoy flashing colors and cheery music, but leave it to corporate America to figure out a way to make money off of new technology. Fast forward about 15 years and this is what you get: The funniest place on the web.

You can now purchase everything from food to condoms to burial plots via the World Wide Web. Hmmm. That's quite a selection. What started out as a way to simply share small files and simple communications has turned into this: Paying Adults Only!

Am I here to gripe about America's need to succeed in not only world political affairs, but any economic endeavor? No. But I can hope for the simple things like a good old-fashioned library. Whoops! Those have been cyberized too!

Ah well. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Buy This from me! Now!

-The Flipster

This isn't rocket science, people!

2006-01-25T17:38:00.000-08:00

A recent COSMOPOLITAN article claims to know 7 secrets to spice up your sex life and really please your man. Wow. 7!? For me, it's about 3. Say "I love you." once or twice a week. Make me a sandwich without the accompanying chit-chat. And give me a nice sloppy blowjob every now and then without me having to ask. Or if that's too much, just be quiet and listen. I mean really listen......
Hear that? That's the game. It means we are too busy to talk now.

But if you truly want to know what's going on inside the opposite sex's brains, I have some suggestions for you...

Gals: Go to http://www.iflipyouoff.com/, get a free account and read some of the heart-felt articles that have no "fluff" in them. You just might learn something useful. They are written by real people and not paid "journalists".

Guys: Go to http://www.paulemoore.com/, get some accounts going and enjoy. After all, that's really all men want, right? And this Paul guy gives everything we could ask for.

-The Flipster

Happy New Year!

2006-01-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

Did you get your XBOX360? Do you want to buy mine? :-)

Usama Bin Laden released another infamous tape yesterday (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060119/D8F81VJG2.html), and wants the United States to call a truce.

Huh?!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't these guys on a quest to wipe us of the face of the planet? Why all of a sudden do they want to "talk" or give us a chance to "come to our senses"?

Sounds like they are getting their asses handed to them. Or, Bin Laden is practicing a little psychological warfare.

-The Flipster

XBOX360 Scam

2005-11-25T13:51:00.000-08:00

You know, I got to thinking this Thanksgiving afternoon and the question, "why would Microsoft not ship enough consoles to meet demand?" came to mind. Some believe that M$oft didn't know the perceived demand ahead of time. Others say that because a company loses so much money on consoles they only want to ship what will sell.

But let me offer another suggestion...

Let's say a large company known for "playing rough" in the field of business has pre-knowledge that its competitor's next-generation console will sell for about the same amount of cash. And also armed with the knowledge that they won't be shipping any "must-have" game titles at launch, this large, bad company realizes they must get as many consoles shipped and purchased as possible. The solution? Create a high demand. Do they do it through traditional means? (i.e. advertising, rebate offers, free-bees, demos in stores, etc...) No, that works, but not very fast.

What would happen if we (the large bad company) held shipments for all retailers across the globe, but promise complete order fulfillment as soon as "possible"? Exactly what we are experiencing right now. With the only new console being released this season, you must exploit this position as much as possible as competition is starting to peer over the horizon. So, you make your console hard to get for a period of, say, 4 to 6 weeks to make the "have nots" want your console. Let's face it, the PS3 has much better technical specification, however, the XBOX360 is out now with visual performance better than anything currently on the market. Checkmate!
2 kids on the neighborhood block tell the other kids that their Madden 2006 is unbelievable. The rest of the kids now want it. Parents are reinforced in their quest to capture the prize of "#1 Mom/Dad" when they feel they can purchase something their neighbors cannot. What does the big bad company do? Quietly begin fulfilling orders to stock shelves during the Holiday/Winter season. When one finally sees a unit on a store shelf, the knee-jerk reaction of "better get it now" kicks in for fear of another mass "shortage". Brilliant. But I digress. If the only thing you have to show for your new console is Call of Duty 2 and the ability to swear at individuals residing in the Republic of Elbonia, you really don't have a new platform for entertainment. You only have an expensive upgrade that gives you new capability. When the PS3 is released, they will immediately have more titles at launch, 3 kick-butt "must-haves" and pioneering technology (BLu-Ray). Wake up, America! Large corporate big-wigs are smart. But only because you allow them to be.

Thanks, Bill. Again.

-The Flipster

---------------------
Update: 11/28/05

How is it possible this online retailer is claiming 875 new units to arrive this week and then another 2,000 by December 9, 2005? Still don't believe me???
(http://www.atomicpark.com/xq/aspx/microsoft-xbox-360-premium-system/prodid.22869/buy.software/qx/productdetail.html)

-The Flipster

---------------------
Update: 12/09/05

I ran across this today. --> http://www.blackfriarsinc.com/blog/2005/11/sold-out-marketing-strategy-for-xbox.html This is just further proof the Flipster is dead-on when it comes to this fiasco. The real winners here are the lucky ones who new managers of retail outlets, acquired XBOX 360's and are now selling them on ebay at huge premiums.

As long as it's not Microsoft... :-)

-The Flipster

--------------------
Update: 12/29/05

Check it out! Wall Street may be catching on to this scam. ---> http://www.thestreet.com/_mktwrm/tech/gamesandgadgets/10259460.html?cm_ven=CBSM&cm_cat=FREE&cm_ite=NA

-The Flipster

Yeah! I guess...

2005-11-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

By LAURIE KELLMANAssociated Press Writer
WASHINGTON

House and Senate negotiators struck a tentative deal on the expiring Patriot Act that would curb FBI subpoena power and require the Justice Department to more fully report its secret requests for information about ordinary people, according to officials involved in the talks.
The agreement, which would make most provisions of the existing law permanent, was reached just before dawn Wednesday. But by midmorning GOP leaders had already made plans for a House vote on Thursday and a Senate vote by the end of the week. That would put the centerpiece of President Bush's war on terror on his desk before Thanksgiving, a month before more than a dozen provisions were set to expire.
Officials negotiating the deal described it on condition of anonymity because the draft is not official and has not been signed by any of the 34 conferees.
Any deal would mark Congress' first revision of the law passed a few weeks after the Sept. 11 terror attacks. In doing so, lawmakers said they tried to find the nation's comfort level with expanded law enforcement power in the post-9/11 era _ a task that carries extra political risks for all 435 members of the House and a third of the Senate facing midterm elections next year.
For Bush, too, such a renewal would come at a sensitive time. With his approval ratings slipping in his second term, the president could bolster a tough-on-terrorism image.
The tentative deal would make permanent all but a handful of the expiring provisions, the sources said. Others would expire in seven years if not renewed by Congress. They include rules on wiretapping, obtaining business records under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) and new standards for monitoring "lone wolf" terrorists who may be operating independent of a foreign agent or power.
By noon, House Democrats on the panel were issuing objections to the seven-year expiration, arguing that since the House had endorsed the four-year expiration dates enacted as part of the Senate bill, the three provisions should "sunset" at four years, not seven. They also complained that Republican negotiators shut them out of the last phase of talks, a charge Republicans deny.
The draft also would impose a new requirement that the Justice Department report to Congress annually on its use of national security letters, secret requests for the phone, business and Internet records of ordinary people. The aggregate number of letters issued per year, reported to be about 30,000, is classified. Citing confidential investigations, the Justice Department has refused lawmakers' request for the information.
The 2001 Patriot Act removed the requirement that the records sought be those of someone under suspicion. As a result, FBI agents can review the digital records of a citizen as long as the bureau can certify that the person's records are "relevant" to a terrorist investigation.
Also part of the tentative agreement are modest new requirements on so-called roving wiretaps _ monitoring devices placed on a single person's telephones and other devices to keep a target from evading law enforcement officials by switching phones or computers.
The tentative deal also would raise the threshold for securing business records under FISA, requiring law enforcement to submit a "statement of facts" showing "reasonable grounds to believe the records are relevant to an investigation. Law enforcement officials also would have to show that an individual is in contact with or known to be in contact with a suspected agent of a foreign power.
Not included are several "add-on" bills to which Democrats objected, including measures to limit federal appeals of state court decisions, require that sex felons face up to 20 years in prison for failing to comply with registration requirements, and tighten courthouse security.

The dumbest shit ever! - I don't need to say a thing.

2005-11-10T08:36:00.000-08:00

Hamburgers cause asthma, NZ research says

Eating hamburgers more than once a week nearly doubles the risk of asthma attacks and wheezing in children, according to research carried out on 1300 New Zealand school pupils. Other takeaway food and fizzy drinks also increase the chances of getting asthma, doctors found. Youngsters who eat at least one hamburger a week are 75 per cent more likely to have asthma and almost 100 per cent more likely to suffer wheezing problems, according a study published yesterday in the international scientific journal Allergy.

Dr Wickens said diets containing junk foods which are high in salt could be contributing to the problem.

"The high salt content in hamburgers may increase the risk of wheezy illness," she said. Asthma is worst in developed countries, which tend to have about 6 per cent of their population affected. New Zealand has the highest incidence in developed countries at 20 per cent. A greater proportion of teenagers in New Zealand than in other countries suffer from asthmatic symptoms, such as wheezing, breathlessness and tight-chestedness. Some theories have blamed Western diets, higher standard of living, falling levels of exercise rates, and increased dustmites and pollution. But Tokyo, with higher pollution than Wellington has only one fifth of the asthma incidence, while the Scottish island of Skye has the highest incidence of asthma in Britain and almost no pollution.

Old fashioned Cat-fight

2005-11-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

Fricken' Awesome!

-The Flipster

READ!

http://www.tampabays10.com/sports/sports_article.aspx?storyid=20844

Al Franken is a racist.

2005-11-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

Forget Andy Rooney. That senile old fart will be dead soon. Al Franken is a racist and this book proves it.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0385513496/ref=dp_return_1/002-7689246-4313649?%5Fencoding=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&v=glance

Go check it out if you don't believe me.

-The Flipster

New kind of battery

2005-11-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

A123Systems has developed a new generation of Lithium-ion batteries, that will deliver up to 10X longer life, 5X power gains and dramatically faster charge time compared to conventional Lithium technology, as validated by independent testing at Motorola and government research labs. They are delivering batteries to Black and Decker with unprecedented power, safety, and life as compared to previously used batteries. Their batteries use proprietary nanoscale electrode technology built on research at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and exclusively licensed from MIT. The initial family of batteries is targeted at applications such as power tools, advanced medical devices, hybrid electric vehicles, mobility products such as electric scooters, robotics, and consumer electronics.
The company is working with the U.S. Department of Energy as part of a major undertaking to develop battery materials for future use in hybrid electric vehicles. Preliminary performance results show a technology with great promise for the future of electric and hybrid electric vehicles. DOE is evaluating whether it can replace the NiMH batteries in hybrid vehicles with lithium-ion batteries weighing one-fifth as much. Their batteries will enable a significant cost
and weight savings vs. NiMH or conventional Li-Ion technology for hybrid and plug-in vehicles.

These advantages include:
1 - Twice the energy density of other Li-Ion HEV cells, While having the highest power to weight ratio of any commercially available battery (100C pulse capability).
2 - The lowest impedance of any cell/packs in its class
3 - Low impedance growth even at very high charge/discharge rates
4 - Proven to withstand thousands of discharge cycles with outstanding calendar life
5 - A design that withstands extreme shocks and vibration
6 - Operable over a wide temperature range (-30 to 60 degrees C)
7 - Intrinsically safe chemistry which is especially important for vehicular applications

-----
Now maybe your slutty mom will finally be satisfied with that vibrator of hers.

-The Flipster

I thought riots only occurred in the Southern US?

2005-11-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

Chirac seeks to calm Paris riots French President Jacques Chirac warned of a "dangerous situation" and called for calm after six nights of riots in suburbs in the north-east of Paris.
At least 15 cars were torched overnight in Aulnay-sous-Bois. Police fired rubber bullets and arrested 34 people.
Unrest flared after two North African teenagers were electrocuted. Locals say they were fleeing police, which the authorities deny.
"The law must be applied in a spirit of dialogue and respect," Mr Chirac said.
"A lack of dialogue and an escalation of disrespectful behavior will lead to a dangerous situation," he told a cabinet meeting, according to a spokesman.
Anger fuelled
French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin and Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy have delayed trips abroad to try to calm the situation.
When you fire real bullets at police, you're not a 'youth', you're a thug Nicolas Sarkozy French Interior Minister
Both met relatives of victims, police officials and community leaders on Tuesday in an effort to calm tensions. But fresh violence broke out even as the pair opened talks, and spread to new parts of Paris.
Police said as many as 69 cars were set on fire on Tuesday night in nine towns in the Seine-Saint-Denis region, home to many impoverished communities.
The original flashpoint of Clichy-sous-Bois, where police were out in force, was calmer, but trouble flared in nearby areas.
Correspondents say anger grew after a tear gas canister was hurled into a mosque in Clichy-sous-Bois on Sunday night. Emotions have also been fuelled by mass arrests.
War of words
Mr Sarkozy, criticized for his description of the rioters as a "rabble", has repeated his condemnation.
"I speak with real words," Mr Sarkozy, who has cancelled a visit to Afghanistan and Pakistan next week, told Le Parisien newspaper.
"When you fire real bullets at police, you're not a 'youth,' you're a thug."
Mr de Villepin has delayed a trip to Canada to try to ease tensions.
He and Mr Sarkozy have been accused of playing politics with the situation in an effort to win favor ahead of a presidential campaign in 2007.
Unrest flared in Clichy after two teenage boys were electrocuted on Thursday at an electricity sub-station.
Local people insist they were fleeing from police and scrambled in to hide. Police say they were not chasing the boys.
An official investigation is under way.
Clichy saw five successive nights of confrontation between police and young people from the mainly north African Muslim communities in the north-eastern suburb.
Unemployment and social problems are rife in many of France's poorer suburban areas.
Police have reported sporadic incidents involving mobile groups of youths in the Val-d'Oise, Seine-et-Marne, Hauts-de-Seine and Yvelines regions of Paris.

____

Surprise! These problems exist worldwide!!!

-The Flipster

I know it's wrong but...

2005-11-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

I just had to laugh at this example of humankind's stupidity.

I turned on the TV this morning and there was a story about local police in Hurricane-ravaged Mississippi and New Orleans taking potentially dangerous pets from residents and having them put to sleep. But here's the twist. The police are tying the animals to trees and posts and shooting them on the street. This is completely absurd! Funny as hell, but absurd!

-The Flipster

The Cabbie and the Nun

2005-11-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun suck me off."
She responds, "Well let's see what we can do about that. But there are two rules:

#1 you have to be single, and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic!"
"OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley." Without hesitation, the Nun fulfills his fantasy with the most erotic and sloppy blowjob that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish!"
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Patrick, and I'm going to a Halloween party."

-The Flipster

The greatest "strategerist" of our lifetime...

2005-10-31T10:48:00.000-08:00

Why is the current President of the United States so highly revered as a senseless cowboy who barely made it through his life even with the help of his powerful family? And it would seem that any political prowess exhibited from the oval office has to be exhumed from past administrations. (Um, the Reagan and Bush v.1 administrations for you home-gamers.)

But, let's take a deeper look at what exactly is going on.

Opposition parties and PAC's are being made ineffective right in front our very eyes. Mass media outlets have little effect on public opinion as in one breath we complain about "covert" machinations of this administration and lack of media press conferences. And in the very next breath, we support him as he wants what's best for the country. We love his solid position and resolve. And we hate what he symbolizes. (i.e. cowboy, un-refined, blunt, stupid... You know, 75% of the country.)

I, personally, was sad to see press secretary Ari Fleischer leave this post in 2003 as I thought he commanded enough attention in the press room to handle any questions that may arise. However, he did not fit the entire strategy entirely as too many questions were not quelled with proper responses. Smart move by the administration. What's left? Scott McClellan, the crafty Texan who appears so flaky, that media representatives give up on hopes of acquiring a story or better yet, a scandal. Yet, strange enough, they cannot push Mr. McClellan around. Simply Brilliant.

Was Harriet Miers a smoke screen to either hide other mishaps in the administration or to just identify who is loyal to the party? I believe that Miers was planning to step down from the outset of this fiasco. Alito was a top pick of President Bush's at least 2 months ago. After pushing through the new Chief Justice, it could be assumed that the opposition will fight the swing vote replacement. (O'Conner) Rush Limbaugh said that Miers' appointment seemed to have been made from a position of weakness. It is Sun-Tzu that teaches us that all battles are won when you utilize obscurity. The truth is this President got what he wanted. 1) His first appointment as Chief Justice. 2) Identification of his party supporters and party deserters. Remember, the President has 2.5 years left. And interim elections for the House and Senate are next year. (Who deserves a piece of the war chest???) 3) Non-contested confirmation of the guy he wanted in the first place, Judge Alito. How skilled in "strategery" must one be to completely circumvent the sexual and racial component of a Supreme Court judge nomination by obfuscating the discussion with a non-qualified nominee. Brilliant.

I must ask you, didn't this guy specialize in political and business strategy while at Yale? As long as you surround yourself with capable people, you don't have to know it all. I think Napoleon Hill called it your "mastermind group". And let's be honest, do you expect anyone from Texas to know everything?

With proper positioning, this President has successfully taken from the opposition their issues and platforms, minimized their importance on Capitol Hill and kept them on the offensive for the last 4 years. I honestly do not think an idiot could accomplish this.

-The Flipster

R.I.P. Ms Parks.

2005-10-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

This world of ours lost someone last week. A person who merely wanted to be left alone and treated with respect. We lost someone who epitomized what equal treatment really means. And someone who became an international symbol for struggle and triumph.

Rosa Parks died last Monday in Detroit, MI. She was 92.

My greatest hope is that enough people truly learn and internalize what her life meant and will continue to mean to generations to come.

-The Flipster

"Scooter" Libby - Fucked!

2005-10-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

The vice president's chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter' Libby Jr., was charged Friday with obstruction of justice, perjury and making false statements in the CIA leak investigation, a politically charged case that will throw a spotlight on President Bush's push to war. Libby resigned and left the White House.

The grand jury indictment charged Libby, 55, with one count of obstruction of justice, two of perjury and two false statement counts. If convicted on all five, he could face as much as 30 years in prison and $1.25 million in fines.
The charges stem from a two-year investigation by special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald into whether Rove, Libby or any other administration officials knowingly revealed the identity of CIA officer Valerie Plame or lied about their involvement to investigators.
Libby is accused of lying about how and when he learned about Plame's identity in 2003 and told reporters about it. The information on the officer was classified.
He is also accused of lying when he told Fitzgerald's investigators that he learned about Plame's CIA status from Tim Russert of NBC. He learned it from several government sources, including Cheney, the indictment says.

--------

Amazing how the focus has been on Libby and not so much on Rove. Could it be Libby's proximity to the Vice President that makes him so desirable???

Well, the staff at IFLIPYOUOFF.com wishes him and his family well. And if he is found guilty, he should be beaten within an inch of his life, then slowly raped with a hot soldering iron until he passes out from the pain.

If he is innocent, the prosecuting attorney should issue a written apology to him.

Simple, huh?

-The Flipster

Calm down!

2005-10-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

Do the American people actually think the reconstruction of Louisiana, Mississippi and now, Florida will be complete in mere days?

come on now... it's me you're talking to.

It will be months before they even completely assess the damage, bulldoze destroyed buildings and map a game plan for the city planners and engineers to follow.

So stop wasting everyone's time with this, "Let's see how far our governments have progressed in the rebuilding process." bullshit. Do yourself and everyone a favor and check on it only once, maybe twice, a month.

-The Flipster

Something to ponder

2005-10-26T17:17:00.000-07:00

Why do I do the things that I do? So many cannot answer that. For them, it's a vicious circle with no end. And quite frankly, most cannot recollect when it started.

We must break the chain of repetition!

-The Flipster

The power rests with...

2005-10-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

Women.

Do they realize the power that they possess? With proper organization, cunning and skilled planning, women could, quite possibly, rule the world. And for that, I respect them.

Let's look at the facts. They control child birth. They handle emotional stresses of all kind better than males. And they are masters of communication. Maybe because they never shut up.

But I digress...

Men will do some of the dumbest things to get a glimpse of a woman in a bra. And watching a woman bend over, cross her legs or slowly take a sip of her coffee or wine can intoxicate a man to the point where IQ levels plummet to the depths of retardation.

And while women appreciate the male form due to their libidos and need to procreate, they don't embezzle hundreds of thousands of dollars to see them naked. (Sorry Mr. Rob McCormick. I had to say it.)

They say women are the weaker sex. That may be true as the only women I know who are power lifters, construction workers, carpenters and the like, possess more testosterone than a non-stop viewing of Arnold's greatest action movies in Hamburg, Germany during the World's Strongest Man competition.

But even though most women are soft, gentle creatures doesn't mean they are not extremely vindictive, not extremely jealous and can't hold a grudge longer than life itself. So even when she smiles at you and gently rubs your arm or arches her back for you, she is plotting, scheming and making a fool of you.

And you know, men love every second of it.

-The Flipster

Here's some good advice...

2005-10-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

Rush Limbaugh, shut the fuck up!

-The Flipster

Leave the so-called refugees alone!

2005-10-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

There was a recent news blast complaining that there were several Hurricane Katrina refugees sighted purchasing alcohol and/or lapdances at local establishments in the Massachusetts area last week.

Why is that anyone's business but theirs? Once the funds were delivered to each person, it became their private property to command as they wish. As long as they are not violating any laws, the general public has no "say so" over their actions.

In addition, I defy you or any red-blooded American who just lost everything they own, their means of survival and probably someone they knew to NOT go looking for a little release or escape.
And what better way to cope than with a bottle of your favorite booze and a knob-shine from a chick named "Desiree".

Fuck you, America! You hypocrites!

-The Flipster

John Kerry for President!

2005-10-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

When will the Democratic Party get it together?

No seriously. This isn't a joke. Stop laughing. Really! When will their ideals be conveyed in a clear and concise manner? And when will their own constituents take them seriously?

Ok. Just kidding.

-The Flipster

End of the world? That's Bullcrap.

2005-10-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

The recent spate of natural disasters affecting the globe "might be" signs that the Biblical apocalypse is near, says Christian televangelist Pat Robertson.

Kevin Trenberth, the head of climate analysis at NCAR, cites a number of factors responsible for the trend toward stronger and more frequent hurricanes being observed. These include natural variability in hurricane frequency and intensity, global warming, and El Niño, a warming of the waters in the off the eastern coast of South America that occurs naturally every 4-12 years.
"Following an El Niño there tends to be warmer sea temperatures," Trenberth said. "It changes the atmospheric circulation to create extra warming of the Atlantic [Ocean]."
As the surface of the Atlantic Ocean warms, more water evaporates into the atmosphere, which allows for stronger tropical storms. Global warming is believed to contribute to hurricanes in the same way, by warming up the ocean surface and putting more moisture into the atmosphere.

About Robertson's comments, Trenberth said that he "thinks its part of the general [socio-political] climate that seems to exists in the country today, fostered partly perhaps by this administration, fucking assholes like Robertson and their lack of credence to science."

---
Yeah!

-The Flipster

Fight Terrorists with Terror

2005-10-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to kill off all terrorists without inspiring their young or "martyring" the idiots?

Or can we just humiliate them all by raping their families? We get an elite unit of gay men to rape the men and boys and, what the hell, the women too. Although this idea is quite ludicrous, it's no more incredible than the idea of changing the world through random killings.

Remember the old adage: "Two wrongs don't make a right." But in this case, how do you negotiate with individuals that care absolutely nothing about your right to exist? Even to the point where their God or Deity will reward them for eradicating you...

Well, at least we know what nukes can do to a country's attitudes. Japan is one of our biggest allies now.

We still have them. Let's not allow them to be wasted. Nuke all terrorists and terrorism-sympathetic nations NOW.

-The Flipster

GOOD NEWS!

2005-10-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

Rape Up, While Murders Down in 2004

By MARK SHERMAN
The Associated Press
Monday, October 17, 2005; 10:18 AM

WASHINGTON -- Murders across the United States fell for the first time in five years, while rapes increased slightly last year, the FBI reported Monday.
Overall, the number of violent crimes, which also include aggravated assaults and robberies, fell by 1.2 percent last year. There were 16,137 murders in the United States in 2004. That was about 350 fewer than in 2003, according to the FBI data. The decrease is the first since 1999. Chicago was largely responsible for the drop, recording 150 fewer murders in 2004 than in 2003.

The number of rapes, however, has increased in three of the past four years, according to the FBI data. In all, rapes increased by .8 percent to 94,635 rapes, or about 750 more than in 2003.
Rapes are up nearly 5 percent since 2000, FBI data show.

----

I personally blame DC Comics for this. During the last year they have continually glorified rape in their stories and illustrations. You cannot blame this one on the Flipster. It's DC Comics. Here's the proof: Identity Crisis - the entire premise revolved around a character, named Dr. Light, raping the wife of a super hero. Sure kids everywhere think that's entertainment, but what about the ones who can't differentiate between comic book fantasy and real life? Rape is not fun, people. Just ask anyone who was raped by a 27 year old, wearing a Dr. Light costume.

So no wonder this sad statistic is up in America. You can't blame this on me. But you can blame comics.

-The Flipster

Good Eating!

2005-10-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

Do you like Cajun-style food?

The next time you're passing through Memphis, TN make sure you checkout Crescent City in East Memphis. It's damn good!

My staff and I ate there while traveling back from the KingBiscuit Blues festival...

Try it!

-The Flipster

0 day conundrum

2005-10-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

A thought just struck me.... If a piece of software, or a bootlegged CD or DVD, or even a virus is considered "0-day" or "Neg-Day", (unknown by the production company) how do they get so wildly popular so fast? Could it be some companies make it their business to push out these "leaks" to either beef up interest, push another add-on product/service or hype sales?

I really want some unbiased opinions on this, please...

What is an Ubersexual?

2005-10-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

Ubersexual

a male who is similar to a metrosexual but displays the traditional manly qualities such as confidence, strength, and class - leaving no doubt as to his sexual orientation

In my day, that dude was called "a pimp".

-The Flipster knows his own kind.

Who goes to movies anymore???

2005-10-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

I recently went to try and go see Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. I want those 3 hours of my life back.

First, some snot-nosed punk had an attitude when I gave him a $50 dollar bill. I don't know what his problem was but he acted like he didn't want my money.

Next I grab a large Coke and maybe a box of candy. WOW! That was almost $15 bucks for that. Shit, I guess entertainment is expensive.

So, I walk into the theater careful not to drop anything or fall on my ass.
Every step was like wading through Bourbon Street, barefoot, after MardiGras. It was DISGUSTING. It's as if the ushers who work for the place said, "Fuck it." and all took turns taking a liquid-like diarrhetic shit all over the floor. Oh the smell! Oh the stickiness...

After I find a seat that's reminiscent of the Coliseum on Mount Olympus, the lights go dark and the cell phones begin. I won't tell you that crucial moment in the film where the bride is rushing to her wedding during a fantastic chase scene, Bubba starts berating his half-sister-slash-lover-slash-baby's momma for bothering him during a movie. It will spoil the plot.

All in all I think Hollywood has really gone down hill. If the "hill" can be personified as a disgusting old man and Hollywood is his submissive significant other. Whatever happened to the greats? Cecil B Demille, Lawrence Olivier, Sidney Poitier, Yul Brenner... John Travolta?

The only thing the West Coast has going for it is ownership of great movies from days past. And guess what, to their chagrin, remakes of good movies into shitty ones do not pass as great movie making.

So what have we learned? From the movie theater to Hollywood nothing good is going on. And I think maybe they are waking up to that fact. Just look at box office takes over the last 4 years. They are tanking bad!

Some of the best directing and writing can be found, in all places, TELEVISION. Shows like Threshold, Arrested Development, Family Guy, Surface and the West Wing provide more quality and entertainment in one episode than all of the Ben Affleck movies combined.

So, do the smart thing... Just stay home. We now have DVD's, Internet Porn and some pretty good TV.

Just stay away from the reality shows. They are hazardous to your health!

-The Flipster

What do you think of these weird-fucks, now?

2005-10-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

Katie Holmes' silent Scientology birth
October 7, 2005, 12:47:16

Katie Holmes is set to give birth in silence.

As devout disciples of cult religion Scientology the beautiful actress and her husband-to-be, Tom Cruise, would have to maintain a vigil of total silence in the delivery suite.

The bizarre ritual - which Scientologists believe should be carried out to prevent children from turning mad - is nothing new to Cruise who insisted the biological mothers of the adopted children he had with Nicole Kidman have their babies in silence, according to a 2001 report in America's New York Post newspaper. Scientology founder, and renowned kook, L.Ron Hubbard, tells his followers in his book Dianetics: "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child and safeguard the home to which they will go."The maintaining of silence does not mean a volley of 'Sh's', for those make stammerers".

Actor and leading Hollywood Scientologist John Travolta who also insisted his wife Kelly Preston gave birth in silence, explained after the birth of his second child Ella Bleu: "In Dianetics, you try and keep the delivery room quiet so there's nothing recorded in the child's mind that shouldn't be there while there's pain going on".

Tom and Katie are also set to be strict parents. Scientologists are encouraged not to comfort or nurture young children because Hubbard believed a child is simply a small adult who can look forward to look after themselves from a young age, that, or revert back into a clam.

IFLIPYOUOFF.com Welcomes VeriSign!

2005-10-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

This just in,

Please welcome our newest partner in crime, VeriSign Corporation! VeriSign just recently purchased Weblogs.com in an effort to extend its product line into the Blog and RSS space. The good news is as Weblogs.com largest customer and client, IFLIPYOUOFF.COM will be enhanced by VeriSign's intelligent infrastructure for internet and telecommunications networks.

The new partnership will provide a more stable and reliable communications infrastructure to the Blogosphere.

We may experience outages as the ever increasing number of "ping hits" bounce against our site. But do not worry, we are here to stay and VeriSign will make this happen!

-The Flipster

Do you like the Blues?

2005-10-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

We, here at IFLIPYOUOFF dot com, will be attending the annual KingBiscuit Blues festival in Helena, AR.

I hear they changed the name of it because some asshole in NewYork didn't want the name to be used. Even though a company has purchased that name, what in the hell do they plan on using it for? Why don't they just let the hundreds of thousands of FANS of the festival just have the name?

Anyway, it's a pretty cool event. And if you happen to walk by our tent or see one of our staffers, throw a finger up in the air!

You'll go blind!

2005-10-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

Is masturbation truly bad for you? Do you lose eyesight? Are you a bad person if you do it?

Maybe not once or twice. But take my friend, Pietro, for instance. He jerks himself at least once or twice daily. And he is a real bastard. He's a sex addict and a pervert. And he drinks too much. Is it because of the masturbation? Or is he just an asshole, manifesting his assholeness through self pleasure and self punishment?

The world may never know.

-The Flipster

Ahh, yes. More crap in the news...

2005-10-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

Oct. 5, 2005 — Both the FBI and CIA are calling it the first case of espionage in the White House in modern history.
Officials tell ABC News the alleged spy worked undetected at the White House for almost three years. Leandro Aragoncillo, 46, was a U.S. Marine most recently assigned to the staff of Vice President Dick Cheney.
"I don't know of a case where the vetting broke down before and resulted in a spy being in the White House," said Richard Clarke, a former White House advisor who is now an ABC News consultant.
Federal investigators say Aragoncillo, a naturalized citizen from the Philippines, used his top secret clearance to steal classified intelligence documents from White House computers.
In 2000, Aragoncillo worked on the staff of then-Vice President Al Gore. When interviewed by Philippine television, he remarked how valued Philippine employees were at the White House.
"I think what they like most is our integrity and loyalty," Aragoncillo said.
Classified Material Transferred by E-Mail
Officials say the classified material, which Aragoncillo stole from the vice president's office, included damaging dossiers on the president of the Philippines. He then passed those on to opposition politicians planning a coup in the Pacific nation.
"Even though it's not for the Russians or some other government, the fact that it occurred at the White House is a matter of great concern," said John Martin, who was the government's lead espionage prosecutor for 26 years.
Last year, after leaving the Marines, Aragoncillo was caught by the FBI while he worked for the Bureau at an intelligence center at Fort Monmouth, N.J.
According to a criminal complaint, Aragoncillo was arrested last month and accused of downloading more than 100 classified documents from FBI computers.
"The information was transferred mostly by e-mails," said U.S. Attorney Christopher J. Christie at the time of Aragoncillo's arrest.
Since that arrest, officials say Aragoncillo has started to cooperate. He has admitted to spying while working on the staff of Vice President Cheney's office.

------

Didn't we use to hang people who commit treason? People are more prone to doing stupid shit because there are no consequences that makes you stop and think about how fucked it's going to be when you get caught. Most people think about hanging with their buddies in prison; working out and getting buff in the yard, then writing a frigging book about the ordeal and getting paid $50,000 for the treatment and a sample chapter. If parents would beat the shit out of their children more often, society may learn to respect each other a little bit more in the future.

All I can say is, What the fuck?!

-The Flipster

It's about time!!!

2005-10-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

Young women are leading the way in tearing down sexual taboos in North America, where teenagers are having more sex at a younger age than their parents and grandparents, a new survey showed.
Freewheeling young women in the United States and Canada first have intercourse at the age of 15, partake more in oral sex than previous generations and are far less prudish, according to a landmark new report by researchers at California's San Diego State University.
Between 1943 and 1999, the age of first intercourse dropped to 15 from 19 for females, while the percentage of sexually active young women rose to 47 percent from just 13 percent in 1943, according to the study that appears in the most recent issue of the Review of General Psychology.
"Feelings of sexual guilt plummeted, especially among young women. Attitudes toward premarital sex became dramatically more liberal over the same period," the analysis of 530 studies spanning five decades and involving more than a quarter of a million young people said.
Over the same 56-year period, approval of premarital sex increased from 12 percent to 73 percent among young women, while the figure rose from 40 percent to 79 percent among young men, according to the study.
"The change in young women's beliefs about premarital sex was enormous," said Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University who co-authored the report with Brooke Wells of City University of New York.
"Cultural influence was so much stronger for women than men, and that was true across behaviors. The attitudes that parents have is also an influence," Twenge said about the report that tracked "Baby Boomers," "Generation X" and the current generation of young people, whom Twenge calls "Generation Me".
The study revealed that the massive cultural revolution that swept North America in the past 30 years had contributed dramatically to the shift as movies and television shows tacked formerly taboo topics such as teenage pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases and rape.
"This shift to more liberal sexual attitudes and behaviors, commonly deemed the 'sexual revolution', has dramatically altered American culture, especially for women," the report said.
The Baby Boomers of the 1950s and 1960s began having sex for the first time in college, while youngster of today are having sex for the first time in high school. "There's been a major shift there," Tweng said.
But, while their baby-boomer ancestors were having less sex with more people, young people now, faced with an AIDS epidemic, have more sex with fewer partners, the report indicated.
The sexual revolution has meant that sexual practices that were frequently reviled by earlier generations -- especially oral sex -- were becoming far more acceptable and widespread.
The percentage of teenagers and young adults having oral sex increased from 48 percent in 1969 to 72 percent in 1993 among young men, and from 42 percent in 1969 to 71 percent in 1993 among young women, the report said.
"Oral sex has become so popular. In previous generations, oral sex was considered disgusting. Now young people see it as another way of being sexual," Twenge said.
"It's also part of the general trend of sexual behavior moving away from marriage and reproduction and toward pleasure."

It looks like The Flipster is about to hit his second wind!

What's your problem?

2005-10-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.""Okay then," Paul said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It was the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure."I'm so sorry, "Said the doctor. "I really am..... I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?""It's swollen," Paul replied.

Emotional responses are rarely helpful...

2005-10-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Choking back tears, COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF star Donald Sutherland warned this week: President Bush "will destroy our lives!" The star of the new ABC drama, which follows the first woman President of the United States, lashed out at the real White House during a dramatic sit down interview with the BBC.Sutherland ripped Bush and his administration for the war and Hurricane Katrina fallout."They were inept. The were inadequate to the task, and they lied," Sutherland charged."And they were insulting, and they were vindictive. And they were heartless. They did not care. They do not care. They do not care about Iraqi people. They do not care about the families of dead soldiers. They only care about profit."At one point during the session, Sutherland started crying: "We've stolen our children's future... We have children. We have children. How dare we take their legacy from them. How dare we. It's shameful. What we are doing to our world."Sutherland went on rip Karl Rove's "methods and means" against people like Cindy Sheehan."We're back to burning books in Germany," Sutherland said of NBC's editing out of Kanye West's comment on Bush during a hurricane relief telethon.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now what the hell is he talking about? And why do these Bush-haters run to Europe to bad mouth the President? Be a man! Like CindySheehan. (One can only assume, since I've never really seen her penis and testes...)

Did Karl Rove have Kanye West's comments edited? No. I saw the tape myself. If the President is so bad, why doesn't someone intelligently and calmly articulate what the President and his administration's fallacies are? Give me a bulleted list and we can address them, one by one. Oh wait! You can't have an honest debate with these people. Never mind...

-The Flipster

Opinions are like...

2005-09-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

You know, the staff at I FLIP YOU OFF dot com has been doing pretty good in the realm of ideas. They are WELL compensated for their creativity and basic work ethic. But as we fully engage this Information Age with every passing generation, it became apparent to the Flipster...

The more information you can provide, the more compensated you become. Just look at Drudgereport. Simply because Matt Drudge scoops many of his less-gifted counterparts on a regular basis, cost for advertising space on his home page has reached astronomical levels.

But how do you rate quality in information? Opinions are like assholes; everybody has at least one. And the vast majority of them stink!

One of the senior staffers here came to me and wanted to know if we would eventually kick off a program to reward our readers for new information pertaining to fresh jokes, pictures of celebrities flipping the bird, etc. This was a pilot program that I put a stop to about 6 months ago. We canned it because we got way too many duplicate items and frankly, a lot of this stuff was NOT funny. So, why in the heck would we pay for crap? Honestly, only about 15% of the stuff we see from the general public warrants publication. So, the question is, do we pay out the "wazoo" for the 15%? Or, do we not pay anyone? Is it even worth our time to wade through the hundreds of emails, snail-mails and board posts to find the 1 or 2 good items for publication?

I don't think so. Only the true I FLIP YOU OFF dot com user would even have a clue of what we are trying to do here. Everyone else is just a collection of spectators.

-The Flipster

Quick Opinion

2005-09-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

Apple Computer's newest MP3 player, the iPod nano, is receiving rave reviews and analysts believe the device will solidify Apple's dominance in the competitive MP3 player market for at least another year.

However, not everyone praises the device -- Motorola CEO Ed Zander had some harsh words for the nano in a recent interview.
"Screw the nano," said Zander. "What the hell does the nano do? Who listens to 1,000 songs? People are going to want devices that do more than just play music, something that can be seen in many other countries with more advanced mobile phone networks and savvy users," he said.

I concur, Ed. I am now a fan for life.

-The Flipster

Summer is officially gone!

2005-09-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

To commemorate all of the sick things that happened this summer on both the West and East Coasts, I am posting my favorite joke of all time.

Enjoy!

-The Flipster

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

Dad says, "We are master impersonators!" The agent says, "Impersonations are yesterday's news. I can't even book 'em in Branson!" Dad just says "And now, my son will impersonate a famous rapper!" Junior, about 16, rips off his 13-year-old sister's jeans and panties, and starts licking her pussy and fucking her. She comes screaming and her brother blows his load inside her. "R. Kelly!" says Dad. "Next, my wife will impersonate Courtney Love!" Mom shucks off her skirt, takes out a bottle of vodka which she chugs. Then she pisses on the agent's desk and says "Do I get a gig now?" Not to be outdone, daughter jumps up. "My rendition of rock and roll great, Janis Joplin!" She takes out a syringe and shoots up a shitload of heroin, then falls down and shits on the floor. Mom lies down on the couch, shits, pisses, and grunts like a pig. "Teri Schiavo!" she says. "And now," says Dad, "I will impersonate former INXS singer Michael Hutchence!" He strips naked, hangs himself from the light fixture and starts beating off. Mom, Sis and Bro all dance around him singing "My neck is so raw...you've got to cut me down!" He shoots his come onto the agent's desk. Wife and daughter, naked now, get down on all fours. Dad and Bro stand in front of them. Dad says "My wife and daughter will now impersonate Monica Lewinsky and First Lady Laura Bush!" Sis starts blowing her brother while Mom tries to get Dad's limp dick into her ass. Bro comes in Sis's mouth and Sis gives a big loud swallow. Mom says "God damn it, George, you can't get it up again?" Here, Miss Beasley!" Dad starts cornholing the dog, then pulls out and spews come and dog shit on his wife. "And now for our grand finale," says Dad, "My son and I will impersonate Kobe Bryant and Bill O'Reilly!" Dad pops a Viagra, grabs Sis, shoves her legs apart and crams his boner in her. He fucks her to orgasm while bouncing a basketball against the dog's bloody ass. Bro gets out his cellphone, calls Mom on hers and starts beating off while saying "I want to rub your dirty pussy with a loofah, bitch! I want to fuck you for Christ!" Mom gets out a vibrator and buzzes her clit until she comes. Bro walks over and shoots his load onto Mom's face. The agent's office is completely covered in shit, piss, come and vaginal juices.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

Current Events

2005-09-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000. "This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild. "Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana."Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!" However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans. "This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit.""This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."The money gained from 'T'he Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.

People are Stupid.

2005-09-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Here are a few examples of how stupid most people are in this world. There is no discrimination here, you are all dumb!

This is an actual cellular phone text message "conversation" with an ex girlfriend of a friend of mine. Enjoy!

DumbBitch: I am going 2 a bukkake party as an observer do u know it is?
Dude: Yes
DumbBitch: What is it?
Dude: Go google it

4 minutes later...

DumbBitch: Oh my thank god i am just watchin
DumbBitch: Want me to come over when i am done

2 minutes of silence...

DumbBitch: Is your answer no? Its not like i am doing it just watching

2 more minutes of silence...

DumbBitch: So i can come over later

Another minute of silence...

DumbBitch: Call me when u get h0me freak

-------
Here's another quick one about a guy I know... Enjoy!

I was driving back to work from lunch and was taking it easy on the speed since the ice was a little spotty on the road I was traveling. As luck would have it, some douche bag was tailgating me - and after a good mile or so, he really started to piss me off. I noticed that the stretch of road ahead was a long straight-a-way for a good distance, and it had no trees - therefore it was completely dry and no ice. Well, to make this ass that was on my bumper a little less of a miserable individual, I kicked it up a notch and accelerated to the speed limit. Well guess what - that ass bag was still right on my tail - then it happened... the 4 or 5 inches of ice that was riding on top of my Explorer caught a little wind and WHOOOM - I completely smacked that jerk's windshield with a huge hunk of ice that measured a good 4 by 5 feet! Last time I looked in my mirror, he was spinning off the road. I politely rolled my window down and flipped him the bird as I drove away.... ahhh, I love winter.

*Sniff* That was beautiful, man!

Let's get to it!

2005-09-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

Researchers from Boston Children's Hospital determined that the number of visits to hospital emergency rooms dropped significantly during important Red Sox baseball games. From New Scientist:

The researchers compared the number of visits to six emergency departments in the Boston area during 11 key baseball games in 2004 to the average number of visits on that day and at the same time in previous years, and plotted them against the number of TV viewers for those games. A game against the New York Yankees, where the Red Sox’s victory guaranteed them a place in the US World Series, was watched on TV by 55% of the public in the greater Boston area, and coincided with a dip of 15% in emergency room visits. But during another Yankees game, where it was taken for granted that the Sox would lose and only 30% of viewers tuned in, emergency room visits were almost 15% above average...

One explanation for the startling correlation is that while people are watching TV, they are sedentary and fairly safe. “People are at home watching the games so they are probably not getting into trouble,” explains (investigator John) Brownstein. Another is that people who attend ER are often not experiencing a medical emergency in the true sense of the word.

Are all Americans full of crap? Or just the "scientists" at Boston Children's Hospital?

On one hand we are safer while watching TV. And on the other hand, we are all going to die of heart attacks and strokes from being frigging fat slobs... Make up your minds, would you? And take your time figuring this stuff out. I'm in no rush. I got a half gallon of ice cream to eat while I touch myself during today's re-run of the OC...

The Inaugural Post

2005-09-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Based on everyone's feedback, the staff at I FLIP YOU OFF has created this blog. Check back often as up-to-date news, information and, yes, the silly stuff will be posted here!

*Flip!*